Self Improvement

How to Use Facebook to Be a Better Man

In case you have been living under a rock, there is this thing called the Internet nowadays. It is an amazing tool for the education and advancement of the human race. It can enhance our lives in ways we cannot even begin to imagine yet.

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The good news is we have unlimited access to all the accumulated knowledge on the planet.

The bad news is we all think we already know it all and don’t take the time to actually look any of that knowledge up, unless of course it jibes with our preconceived notions of how we feel the world should be, compartmentalized within our tiny selfish parameters.

Sadly all this knowledge has sputtered in a sloppy start. Beginning with “social” platforms originally invented to bring us closer together, allow instant communication, share ideas, and expand our minds with unlimited knowledge, that have sunk to the very bottom of social interaction.

Rumor is reported as fact, believed by the unaware or purposefully duped.

Narcissistic bragging is masquerading as humility and graciousness, aka the “humble brag.” It’s unrelenting envy on parade, a 24/7 portal to everyone else’s lives that are almost always seeming better than yours.

Unless, of course, they take the opposite tack, the cryptic “woe is me” post of seeming positive affirmations couched in a pathetic personal passive aggressive cry for help.

We all see it, we all know it, we are all tired of it. Stop it.

Then there are the unwavering hordes of whiny “victimbitches” simply waiting to be offended by any and every little thing. Tirelessly mining the interwebs til they can find a post, tweet, or blog article that has the subtlest whiff of disagreement to their self-centered myopic tiny minded view of life so they can rage against what they deem to be a personal affront to their integrity, opinions, and/or fundamental belief systems.

All of us have fallen into this category at least once.

We would never admit it of course. Except for just now. Um, I think I just did…

What most people seem to forget is that the internet is worldwide and that unless a personal message is sent directly to them, the chances of any single post being evenly remotely about them is about 4 Billion to 1. So the level of narcissism it takes to believe that any interaction online effects them is truly mind boggling.

Yet we see it every day on an endless loop. You post something you think is funny or interesting and your “friends” take umbrage, pick it apart, or admonish you for having a differing world view then their oh so righteous perspective. Suddenly you have an argument over trivial shit that morphs into something deeper, not remotely associated with the original flippant post you thought was quirky, cute, or funny and now you have un-elicited tension from an aggressive “victimbitch” who simply can’t abide other thoughts outside their narrow worldview.

And since you are a threat to their fragile Glass Menagerie, you are therefore a monster.

They now feel free to deem you any manner of terrible beasty, usually starting with typical easy to reach epithets of racist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist, etc, spiraling rapidly down to the unavoidable comparisons to Hitler.

No, I’m not simply talking about political debates here, I’ve seen the same pathway emanate from random cat videos.

It simply does not matter what you post. Someone out there is going to be offended.

It doesn’t matter how smart, respectable, or civilized they may be. Most people these days seem to have the thinnest skin imaginable. It is infuriating. And you can MAN up and use it to your advantage!

We are a world full of billions of people. Each person has a different view point. Some are well informed, some are not. Some agree with our views, some do not. The vast majority of the world may not agree with you on any given point.

Here is how to look at it: SO F**KING WHAT!

The world does not revolve around you. It never has, never will. People will disagree with you and that is awesome. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Sadly, in the era of giving kids trophies for breathing, we have raised a generation of self-absorbed, self-obsessed, selfie snappers. They are unaccustomed to differing viewpoints and can’t quite handle it.

Don’t be like them. Practice RESTRAINT.

Do NOT get drawn into unending arguments on social media that are doomed to defeat or at the very least both sides being upset and offended.

Read other people’s points of view with an eye toward non response. Stay above the fray. Don’t engage. You may think these people are absolute nutty biscuits on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is their problem, not yours.

Think of it as practicing ACTIVE LISTENING without interruption.

We as a social species connect and communicate openly and freely. Unless you are in a communist country of course (cue the victimbitches). As a social species we can’t wait to use our face holes to deliver our personal views to the world. But the more you speak, the less you listen. This includes digital communication. LISTENING is one of my pillars of confidence. If you can show a woman that you are actively listening to her, she will respect you more.

Practicing non-engagement on social media can help you you restrain from opening your mouth when you shouldn’t.

You may not agree with others points of view. You may not respect those views. You may even think they are absolutely out of their minds. But that does not mean you should give them a piece of yours. Have you ever heard the saying “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt?” Some ascribe the saying to Abe Lincoln or possibly Mark Twain. Regardless, it is a very wise proverb.

Practice restraint, hold your tongue (or your fingertips), read and/or listen to what others say and keep your trap shut. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Let the victimbitches fight it out. It’s a useless whiny waste of energy that is decidedly not attractive to women. And if you find yourself slipping into victimbitchitude, being offended by a random tweet, blog, or post just remember, the chances are 1 in 4 BILLION that it pertains to you at all. Don’t be a narcissistic snowflake. MAN up and MOVE on.

You've got a lot more important things to do.

Time to Get Your Dating Google On

Welcome to the internet age. Everything you could possibly want to know is right there at your finger tips. You wanna learn how to cook the perfect steak? Boom! There it is. You wanna know where in the hell Wagga Wagga Australia is? Pow! Easy as pie. You wanna know if the girl you are about to date is a freak of nature who just might bludgeon you to death in your sleep with her hard cover copy of Gone Girl? Kablammo! A few clicks and the knowledge that just might save your life could be right there for your stern perusal.

Isn’t this a great time to be alive?!? You are awash in absurd amounts of data. Every day, the web grows more and more intense and acquires more data. So, in one sense, it is a great tool to help you accomplish more than you ever thought possible. But on the other hand, it is also a sponge that never releases the juicy tidbits of information that it absorbs. That means that…

The internet holds on to every stupid, foolish, drunken, misinformed, and otherwise dumbass thing you have every posted, tweeted, or Youtubed!

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Yes, the great thing about the internet is that everyone now has a voice and can be heard across the globe. The bad thing about the internet is that everyone now has a voice and can be heard across the globe andthey say whatever idiotic thing they want. Being in the spotlight, somewhat, I have seen firsthand what the internet can do to you. I do have quite a bit of info out there on me. Some really great, like, “Spike Spencer is a frickin rock star!” And some not so great like, “Spike Spencer should rot in a corner and die of dick cancer.” Mmmm, sweetness and love.

The point is anyone can say anything about anyone and it will be registered and broadcast for the world to see. And unless you actively search out what is being said about you, you may never know that some random jackball out there in the ether may be destroying your chances with women.

Think about it this way, have you ever done a search for, say, a restaurant? You looked up the Yelp ratings, maybe a chowhound review, etc. What you found will undoubtedly influence your decisions. We are so conditioned that if we see a star rating, we unconsciously judge whatever is being rated according to a random rating system. One star, bad, five stars, good.

So what rating are you getting when the woman you have attracted Googles you? And believe me she will. We all do it nowadays. If you are checking her out, you can bet she is certainly checking up on you.

You need to be sure that you are being represented in a good light in the online world.

So, how do you do that?

1. Google yourself...on all search sites.

Don’t forget about Yahoo, Bing, etc. Hit them all. That is the quickest way to see what she will see. And don’t just look at the first few pages. That drunken pic of you in the lime green mankini with the llama can show up in later pages. If you get in contact with the original site providers, you may be able to get the silly stuff removed.

If you want to get really serious, you can look at some of the information brokers that deal in finding people and providing juicy details about their lives like background checks and more. Check out Intelius, Spokeo, Wiki, etc. It will cost a bit, but it may be well worth it to clear up some negative junk out there.

2. Check on Youtube and Vimeo.

You never know who might have filmed you spouting random dumbassery at a kegger. I personally have had some success with getting some videos removed from some of my less than flattering misadventures. But not to worry, there’s still plenty of entertaining escapades for your consideration to enjoy.

So get out there on the web and check out what is being said, tweeted, posted, tubed, instagrammed, pinterated, vimeoed, tumblered, wikied, blogged, wordpressed, and every other blabby, gossipy, and otherwise completely detrimental misrepresentation of the awesomeness that is you. You may not like what you see. And neither will she.

Just like it can take only one bad review to destroy a business, one bad mention of you can wreck your chances of a possible romance. Luckily, forewarned is forearmed. Once you get the lowdown, you can do some housecleaning and sculpt your online profile in the best light possible. And maybe, just maybe, you can remove that one review of you that will turn her away.

Happy Hunting.

 

Back to Sexy Basics

In the Foodie world, there is a huge movement to get “back to the basics” of food. Also known as the “Slow Food” or “Farm to Table” movements. The funny thing about these movements is that they are actually just getting back to the very roots of food. This is how we used to eat long ago before processed foods and mass production. We used to eat what was in season, we knew the local farmers, and we prepared the dishes simply over fire. We, as a food world, are getting back to that. Though in some places it has never changed.

I was reminded of that on my recent Honeymoon trip to Italy. The food was all local, simply prepared, and perfect! Everything was so fresh that it just popped. The wine was locally produced so it played perfectly with everything we had. My own preparations were paired down, simplified, and the taste was magnified. I noticed the same thing in France, on a previous Euro trip. They prepare most everything simply but full of flavor. They do have a penchant for sexy sauces, and for that we must thank them eternally. These two Foodie powerhouses, have more than just simple ingredients and huge flavors…

These are the two sexiest countries on the planet!

In these countries food IS sexy! And what makes it sexy? The simplicity and boldness of allowing the inner flavor to shine. This point of view mirrors the dating world. Take heed and develop the right ingredients in your dating pantry and you will be prepared to do some serious cooking in and out of the kitchen.

If you are like me, you see big outrageous dating pitches thrown at you daily with lines like, “Say these three words and she’ll be in your bed!,” “Make any woman yours in seconds!,””Become irresistible to ALL women!”… etc., etc., and so on.

Then you go out and try them. And what happens? Nuttin! Well, you may have a little success and you may even learn a few things. Maybe even a few sexy, naughty, and dirty things if you are lucky. But overall you will more than likely end up being let down and depressed.

These gurus and teachers seem to have all the answers. They have given you the lowdown on how they attract women. You have even seen them on video picking up women at random in a way that can only be seen as magical. After all, you tried the same things and got shot down over and over. What the hell?!? And why is that?

No technique, approach, or method will work without the basic ingredient of CONFIDENCE!

Let me take a moment to say that I am NOT dissing any of the gurus and teachers out there touting these mythical “cure alls” for your dating problems. On the contrary, I learned a ton from them. And you should too. There is much to learn from multiple teachers. Some of these “outrageous” claims do work… Sometimes… Done incorrectly, some of these techniques can backfire tragically. But if you get back to the simple basic ingredient of confidence, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your dating world.

No matter what someone tries to teach you about dating, including myself, nothing will work well without the underlying confidence to pull it off. If you start with crappy ingredients, your recipe will not work! If you are sad, mopey, angry, hurt, distressed, bitter, or just plain no fun to be around, how do you expect to spark attraction in any woman?

In any recipe, the better the ingredients, the better the final dish. The finest chefs in the finest kitchens of the world teach budding young chefs to utilize the best ingredients, then treat them simply to only enhance the natural flavors and serve. That’s it.

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A prime example, is the best steak I ever tasted! If you are unfamiliar with a fine Tuscan style steak, I suggest you get yourself to Florence asap! It was at Donnini’s where I finally had my first Tuscan steak. It was about 2 inches thick, Porterhouse cut, perfectly rare and ungodly delicious. In fact, my wife said I looked at that steak like I looked at her on our wedding night.

Now, I am from Texas, I have traveled the world, and tasted steak in all forms. I know a good steak when I have one. This was a transcendent experience for me. Why am I pointing this out? Because a Tuscan steak has 3 ingredients – steak, salt, and pepper. That’s it. It starts with one amazing ingredient Italian Tuscan beef.

No fluff, no crazy spices, no crazy techniques, just the best beef you can get. Prepared simply, served simply.

Let the ingredients speak for themselves.

You have to do the same thing with you. Am I comparing you to meat? Yes, yes I am. Instead of searching for outlandish techniques to spice yourself up, focus on the main ingredient that you bring to EVERY method you attempt – YOU! Make you the best ingredient there is. Don’t try to get all flashy and serve yourself up adorned with the latest fad accoutrements. Just let your main ingredient shine.

Treat yourself as the special one of a kind ingredient that you are.

Feel confident knowing that you are enough, you are intriguing, you are deserving of being served au naturel. Once you are proud of your basic ingredients, you will have confidence in moving forward in your dating adventures. Because no matter what you add to your own mix, at the very core, you are indeed one tasty dish!

Keep Spicin It Up!

Valuing Your Own Time

I have said it over and over. The way to attract women is by having confidence. But how do you gain confidence if you simply do not have it yet?

Start by valuing your own time.

Here’s how it goes.

  1. Confidence comes from having good self esteem.
  2. Self esteem comes from valuing yourself due to your positive actions and outcomes.
  3. Your decisions lead you to these good outcomes and actions.
  4. Your values set the basis for your decisions.
  5. Your moral compass guides your values that lead to your decision making.
  6. Your deep inner soul tells you what your morals are in order to form all your outer workings.

There. Easy right?

Start with a good soul and your all set. What? You don’t have a good soul? You are a soulless bastard with no intrinsic value to humankind?!? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I know you have a decent soul. Otherwise you would not be on the path of self improvement and enlightenment.

If you are a soulless bastard with narcissistic sociopathic tendencies only looking for a quick way to manipulate women in to doing your bidding, stop reading now. My stuff is not for you. You know who you are…

For the rest of ya, I am going to unlock a quick bit of info to help you get to the top of this confidence breakdown.

Start by valuing your own time!

Most guys tend to lose confidence (and respect in their women’s eyes) when they stop valuing themselves, whether they know it or not. It can happen at any time in a relationship, and it can keep you from ever getting in to one.

If you are single and hunting for a great woman, you may be coming at it from a “needy” place. I know I did for a time. It was not attractive and ruined many a chance at some seriously saucy fun.

Check yourself on this. See if you are doing any of these in your relationship (wither committed or casual):

  • Allowing her to make all the decisions, i.e. following
  • Changing your schedule to fit hers.
  • Spending your days thinking about and doing little things for her with no reciprocity.
  • Being at her beck and call.
  • Changing your behavior to fit in to her desired patterns.

If you find yourself doing things like this, you may be Wussifried!

You may be saying to yourself, “But self, you do these things because you loooooove her.” That may be true. And in certain cases and situations, these may be very honorable things to do. But only at the right times and in the right situations!

If you do these things over and over, you may be sabotaging yourself.

By doing any and/or all of these things, you are not coming across as a strong MAN. You are giving away your power and losing her respect quickly. This is happening because you are not valuing yourself or your time. And your time is one of your most valuable assets. It is also something that you are in total control of.

By valuing your time, you are in control of yourself and the situations that surround you. You have the power of saying “no.” "No" to not leading. "No" to being a malleable little toady. "No" to being Wussifried.

Taking control of your schedule shows that you value yourself. A MAN who values himself demonstrates confidence. If you are having self esteem issues, learning to spend time alone can help you increase your confidence and learn to truly value yourself. Women will value what you value. Value YOU.

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When I was at my lowest and trying to turn my life around. It was very difficult to spend time alone. I HATED it. I would have the radio going all day long just to fend off the smothering quiet of loneliness. It sucked. And I was not in a state of true confidence. Eventually, as I regained my self esteem, I decided to spend some quality time with myself. It came in the form of a road trip. I spent days alone driving up the PCH heading up to Washington and back.

The key take away from the trip was that I learned to be alone, but not lonely.

I found that I was worthy of true value and that my time mattered. I was okay with who I was and that meant others would have to be too. I took control.

From that day on, I paid more attention to who I was being when it came to women. Was I valuing my time? But more importantly, were THEY valuing my time. If they were not, they did not respect me and the relationship was going nowhere.

I did not have time for that BS.

So MAN up, say “No” when needed and do not allow your time to be devalued by anyone. Spend some quality time alone in your own company, not because you have to but because you want to. You are worth it.

You only have so much time on this Earth. Use it wisely, my MAN.

Keep Spicin' It Up!

Drinking and Dating: Walking the Tightrope

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No, this is not an evangelistic tirade against all things alcoholic. And not me giving you a scolding for over doing it from time to time. I’m the last guy on Earth to do that. I love a good cocktail, from time to time. But this article is about TIMING. If you are going to have a drink or two, make sure it is working to your advantage, especially in your dating life.

I’m writing this article the day after St. Patrick’s Day. I cannot think of a better time to broach this particular topic. Many of you are reading this right now through blurry bloodshot eyes, lying half catatonic, awash in green beads, half drunken green beer mugs, and slept-in fake orange facial hair leaving you now resembling a Picasso-esque portrait of the world’s most deranged Leprechaun.

Hey, I’m not judging! On some days, I will be the first to don the ceremonial drinking hat and throw down with the best of them.

I love me a good old fashioned craic! (pronounced “crack” it’s Gaelic for “party”)

If you have followed me for some time, you know that I am quite a Foodie and I loves me some red wine. I have toured wineries around the globe and quite certain I have over imbibed more than my fair share. What can I say, I love life and I like to party! We spent a month over in Italy for our Honeymoon last year and were drinking scads of wine every single day. It is not uncommon in Europe to have a couple glasses of wine with lunch and more with dinner.

This is the point where I say, responsibly, that if you are an adult, and you decide to indulge, responsibly, in the beverages du alcohol (that might be French), that you do so responsibly.

But even when you think you drink responsibly, you might still be screwing up your chances with the women you desire.

Case in point. In full disclosure, after my divorce and losing everything, I fell into a very deep pit of loneliness, despair, and not a small bit of drinking. I have done incredibly stupid things under the influence, of which I'm definitely not proud. I screwed up several sexy encounters with amazing women that, had I been sober-er, would have been worthy of letters to Penthouse magazine. But the drink took its toll.

As I like to say, I let my full Irish out.

Hey, I’m a mutt, I have German, English, Scottish, Irish, Cherokee and Blackfoot Indian in my blood. You tell me which of those are teetotalers!

That, of course, is no excuse for overdoing it, drinking to excess, or falling in to full blown alcoholism. If you feel you are having serious problems with your drinking, you most definitely need to seek help. Your friends are the best arbiters of info. Most people let your boorish behavior slide until it gets really bad, but if you are serious about your dating success, you need to keep that in check. And your friends will tell you, but you have to be grown up enough to ask.

Having a couple of drinks on a date can be a really good thing. It lets inhibitions slide a bit, relaxes you both, and enhances the meal (when chosen correctly). A nice glass of wine after dinner, while chatting on the couch, can be the pathway to a very saucy evening indeed. But one glass too many, can kill the evening completely.

Here are a couple of tips on keeping your mojo working while enjoying a nice adult beverage or two.

1. Stick with a predetermined amount for your date.

I like to stick with one bottle of red wine for my dinners. I can easily down a full bottle in one sitting, but that can get iffy depending on the brand. I can become irritable, annoying, or worse. But a bottle is only about 2.5 glasses a person, and over the course of the night with a full meal, that is seldom an issue. Whatever your drink of choice, know your limits and stick to them. The consequences of overindulgence are never good and can kill an otherwise perfect evening.

2. If you are out and about with friends, have a drinking “safety word.”

Like I said, your friends will tell you when you have had enough. If you have been dating someone for awhile, they can be your sober buddy if need be. You just have to agree beforehand and be open and honest enough with each other to hold each other accountable. For example, if you start to get rowdy, they might say to you, “Purple Butter Fluffer Nutter.” Which is hard to stick in normal conversation. (Bonus points for anyone who knows this reference).

Safety words can be tricky if you drink too much, as you suddenly decide you are all knowing and invincible, and anyone who tells you otherwise is killing your buzz or calling you out. This is when you have turned into a drunken ass. Avoid this by being responsible and nipping it in the bud before it is a problem.

3. Avoid email, texting, and all social media at all costs! Especially if you are home alone.

I love a nice evening alone, just enjoying a fine Cabernet, a succulent steak, and a great movie – Sci Fi usually. On nights like these, I know I am not driving, so I am free to indulge a bit. As long as I don’t run pantsless down the street shrieking profanities, a la Mel Gibson, I am hurting no one, except my own liver. However, these days, being alone does not necessarily mean you are alone. And this moment is quite possibly the most dangerous time for you.

If you decide, after a few too many drinks, to reach out and share your desires, pet peeves, or adamant righteous anger at idiots who wear knitted baggy skull caps on sunny 80 degree days, you will never be able to take it back. It is now out in the ether for all to see. Forever. And if you attempt any communication with a potential love interest at this time, you may very well destroy any chance of future success. I know this from first hand experience.

If you are enjoying a night just for you, then do that. Turn off your phone, computers, and any outside communication. Just drink your wine, eat your steak, and watch your movie. ALONE! You will be very happy the next morning when you don’t have to remember what the hell you said, to your love interest or the entire universe, the night before.

Again, if you are having a real problem and need help with your drinking, go get it. If you are like me, and had a down time in your life and went a bit haywire, friends can keep you in check and bring you back to life. But you have to be open and honest with yourself. Enjoy your drinks as you like. Just be strategic and make sure that what you are drinking is an enhancement to your meals, not a detrimental crutch you need to get through the night.

Keep Spicin It Up,

Getting on Her Wavelength

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Communication is one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. There are so many levels and intricacies that can foul up even the most mundane of situations till it becomes a huge mess. A single, tiny misunderstanding can uproot even the strongest relationships.

What you say and do is important, but how you say and do things is equally important. Ah, the fickle finger of subtext, how it wags and indicts! For example, if you apologize, and don’t come across as genuinely sorry, you are cooked, my friend. If your demeanor does not match your words when you profess your feelings, you will come across as less than honest, shady even. And this is bad. You need to be clear in your words and deeds to know that you are being heard correctly, otherwise things get lost in translation.

The worst part is, you may never even know there is a miscommunication till it’s too late.

So how can you be sure, you are being received and understood? Well, you can’t. Sorry, that’s just the truth of it. Unless you can get inside someone else’s mind and know exactly how they are hearing, ingesting, interpreting, and understanding your messages, you will never know. You can only do your best and hope.

So here are some things that you can do to help turn the tide in your favor.

1. Pay Attention.

Listening is one of the most important and also most difficult things to do. Most people are never actively listening to anyone. We have so much going on in our heads; a never ending onslaught of information, feelings, sights, and sounds. It’s difficult to add to that the intricacies of someone else’s own onslaught and funnel all their craziness through our filters.

But filter, we must. Take the time to really HEAR what your lady is saying. Don’t spend the moments while she is telling you about her day, searching for an opening so you can interject. Just listen. Clear your mind and open up for her. It will enhance your life immensely when you do less talking, and more listening.

2. Write Stuff Down.

When she tells you things she likes and wants, make a mental note. When you have a free moment, write down what you heard. It is a great list to check back on. You will know the gifts she is hoping you will shower down on her, the little niceties that she wants from you - that peck on the cheek she misses just before you leave, you telling her you love her every day, etc. She will tell you everything you need to know, you just have to listen!

3. Share Her Interests.

Okay, so you are not going to crochet, no matter how hot she is. Fine. But if she is reading a book or watching a TV show, notice what it is. These are the things influencing her decisions and reactions in her daily life. If you know the framework that guides her, you will understand the reasoning behind what she does. You will also be able to have enjoyable conversations, as you will be informed on her level. Take the time, even if it is not interesting to you. This does not mean you must subordinate your life to hers in any way. It just means, take notice. There is power in knowledge and similar interests.

4. Observe.

When something happens of any note, say a violent action in the news, a sad song on the radio, or even running out of milk; you will see how she reacts. Look for patterns. When you know how she will react in a given situation, you will know how to react to her. But more importantly, when she reacts to something, measure your own reaction. When you see the difference, you will better understand where she is coming from.

Let’s say something stressful happens at work. She may wail, moan, be angry and cry a lot. You, in the same situation, my pull back into your self, say nothing, and contemplate your next move. Knowing this, you can discuss things with her from a place of enlightened understanding. Ask her what she is feeling. She will tell you, once she is done emoting. Realize that is her way of dealing with the stress, respect it and let her do what she needs. Then you can work together to deal with whatever comes.

Taking the time to listen, watch, and engage with her will improve your relationship on so many levels. Communication is hard, but without it, you stand the very real chance of losing your loved ones, family, and fortunes. It happens every day, and it can almost always be traced back to a small break down in communication, way back down the line, that was left in disrepair. That injury festers and grows like an invisible cancer that will erupt if not diagnosed and treated. Don’t let that happen to your life, my friend. It is not fun.

Go on, be strong!

Overcoming Self Doubt

I have recently been listening to a spate of sad stories from DKYDers full of self doubt. They feel that life has dealt them a raw deal and there is no way to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When they talk to most people, they hear the same tired old line, “Just get over it.”

You see, most people, let’s call them “they,” are always full of advice and pearls of wisdom. But what the hell do “they” know? What have they done to deserve to give you life instructions?

Most people do not examine their own life to a point that actually allows them to have insight on others’ lives.

So why would anyone listen to their “sage” advice? But some in this world have been there. They have lived through tragedy, they have studied that misfortune, and used it to their advantage to better themselves.

They are the ones that can give you actual insight and not just some hackneyed cliché. And even if they have not lived through terrible times, there are those who, study hard, and can still help others. There are a lot of things they will tell you that can help you move past whatever troubles you may have. One thing they will not tell you, is to simply “Get over it.” I can’t speak for all of these teachers, but I can tell you one thing.

You Can Get Through Anything and Succeed!

Doubt plagues us all at one time or another. But it is a false prophet. Ask yourself, has anyone in the world ever gone through tragic times, probably far worse than yours, only to rise up after and become truly successful? Of course they have!

And so can you!

This is why I tell you to study other people’s success stories. All the blueprints are out there just waiting for you to unlock them. They are called books. And they are frickin everywhere!

When I had my tragedy and lost everything I knew and loved, there was one thing that helped me get through it above all others. I read people’s stories of overcoming disaster. Many were far worse than mine. And yet, they survived. And thrived!

So if you are finding things in your life hard right now, have faith.

Believe that there is another way to go. A downward spiral will end. When, is up to you. Don’t wallow, seek help. You can’t just get over it, but you can get through it.

If you feel upset, be upset. Let it out. Scream, punch a pillow, cry like a little girl if you have to. Pain is called pain because it hurts. And heartbreak is a very real physical pain.   But once you get it out of your system, you will have to make moves to get beyond it.

Use the stories of others. Let their paths guide you.

Head over to a bookstore, sit quietly, and read about relationship, dating, business, and self-help success. I know this can help you as it did me. It will take time, of course. You will fall, you will have failures, you will feel like there is no hope. But everyday the sun will rise again and a new day will happen with or without you. I slept through many, in the height of my despair. But over time, as I read others trials and their triumphs, I knew there was hope.

And as I gained newfound courage, strength, and confidence, my life began to re-emerge. First, I crawled, then I stood up. Then I walked again. After awhile, I walked taller, I could see the possibilities in my life, and found the drive to make things happen and started to live again.

Take my advice, from someone who has been in the trenches, you can do it. I believe in you. And I hereby give you all the permission you need to stand up, face your demons, and kick them square in the jubblies!

Go On, Be Strong!

So Ya Goin' to Sydney? Good on Ya, Mate?

Sydney is one of my favorite cities on the planet! There is so much to do and see that you will never do it in one trip. And enjoying it with someone you love, only makes it that much better. But whether you are there on a “Dateventure” or solo, it is a great adventure that awaits you. I may not get big on specifics here, but I can give you a smattering of the best places I have uncovered in Sydney and the surrounds.

sydney-australia

First stop- get thee to Bondi! Bondi Beach is an absolute must see. Not only is it one of the most famous beaches in the world (it was the beach volleyball location for the Summer Olympics) but it’s also one of the prettiest. Every time I hit Sydney, I make a sojourn over to Bondi to walk along the shore, ramble through the local shops, and take a short hike north to seek my little secret perch overlooking the beautifully ragged coast unimpeded. To get there, look north while on the beach and you will see a golf course up on the hill. Follow the beach road heading that way til you pass the main bus terminal. Not too much further, you will see a bus stop to your left. To your right, there will be a staircase seemingly to nowhere. Take it. It leads you to a green belt area where some locals walk their dogs and such. From here head straight over toward the sea. You will have to hoof it quickly across the golf course. Not too fast though, you may just fall right off into the ocean. Not good. But once there, you will be treated to this:

bondi-beach-sydney

The last time I was there, I sat and watched as a pod of whales slowly made their way out to sea. It was simply magical. Oh, but before you head up on such a hike, you should fuel up on a good old fashioned Australian breakfast, or “brekky,” as they call it. You can find many great places to enjoy one, and Bondi does it right:

aussie-brekky

Ever since my first foray into an Aussie brekky, I have been fond of beans on toast! So now that you are full and have had a nice eye full of Bondi beauty, let’s get back to town!

Sydney is most definitely a great walking city. So much to see. I recommend a few choice attractions. First, you MUST take a walk across the Sydney Harbor Bridge! Don’t argue with me. GO! One of my most cherished memories is taking a morning jog across the bridge on a foggy morning. As the sun rises higher, it burns away the mist, slowly revealing the peaks of the Opera House rising like talons out of the bay. Breathtaking. Imagine seeing it from this perch:

sydney-opera-house

Now get back over the bridge and prepare yourself for some serious shopping at Paddy’s Markets. You will find hundreds of bargain stalls selling everything you can think of. This is where you will find lots of goodies for the friends back home. Paddy’s is smack dab in the heart of Chinatown as well, so be sure and grab some dim sum or yum cha while you are there.

You will need to spend a day walking all around the Royal Botanical Gardens. Here you will enjoy great views of downtown as well as the view of the bridge and the opera house seen at the beginning of this blog. Be sure to hang out around sunset to see the flying foxes zipping through the air and a cockatoo or two shouting at them. Kinda freaky, but cool.

You will undoubtedly spend plenty of time wandering all around Circular Quay and the Opera House. Dining around there is a nice idea, but I recommend getting out of the touristy area for that. You will find plenty of great places nearby over at one of my favorite areas, The Rocks; not a long walk at all. 2 of my faves over that way fight for the title of the oldest pub in Sydney. I like them both! So check out the Lord Nelson Brewery Hotel and the Hero Of Waterloo. You will not be disappointed at either. Although, you can get a Cellar Ghost Tour over at the Waterloo. Just sayin…

If you are able, I highly recommend taking a sailboat out on the harbor, like the Maverick Adventurer does…

spike-spencer-sydney

Or take a nice little ferry trip to explore the surrounding little cities like Manly. Or just take tons of pictures along the coast, the choice is all yours! You will want to check out all around the Darling Harbour area too, which is full of shopping, museums, restaurants, clubs, and attractions of all kinds. Like I said, just waaaaander all over and enjoy!

No matter where you go, you simply must dig into my favorite Aussie food, a tasty meat pie! One filled with Kangaroo is my favorite… Seriously. I always eat some Kangaroo when I’m down undah. I’ve even had kangaroo pizza! One of the classic places to enjoy a meat pie culinary wonder is a famous little place in Woolloomooloo called Harry’s Cafe De Wheels. It’s been around continuously (more or less) since the Great Depression and serves up a great “Pie and Peas” or, my favorite, “The Tiger”- named after the owner, Harry “Tiger” Edwards- a chunky beef treat that is topped with mashed potatoes and peas and covered with gravy. Harry’s doesn’t have a kangaroo pie, but trust me, you will find one somewhere for sure and you will thank me.

If you have the time to get out of town a ways, head out to the Blue Mountains, where you can see the Three Sisters- a natural formation of rocks that the Aboriginal stories say were 3 sisters turned to stone, take a bushwalk, or enjoy the sights from the back of a Harley as I did with a Blue Thunder Motorcycle Tour. Be sure and take a fly swatter with you, as the flies are absolutely unstoppable and will be all over you all the time. You will suddenly understand the need for a hat with corks dangling off of it.

And/or check out the Hunter Valley wine region. Only 2 hours away from Sydney lies the oldest commercial wine-producing area in Australia. A beautiful landscape where you can sip away at some fine wine at dozens and dozens of wineries.

hunter-valley-wine-region

So there you have it. Lots to see, lots to do! Take it all in, enjoy every moment, and know that once you go there, you will most definitely return. One final thing, while in Australia, I just recommend swinging in to a McDonald’s and check out the little differences. I always find it fun to see what the locals do to the most famous of American institutions. Then have a burger somewhere else around town where you will have the options to put all kinds of unfamiliar burger toppings on your creation, such as beetroot, mango, fried eggs, cole slaw, pineapple, etc. Whichever way you go, you can’t lose. But beware, they are super stingy on ketchup. They will charge you per packet. Crazy. Other than that…

Get to Sydney, and good on ya!

Take Nothing Personal

Easy Way How to Build Self Confidence

We always think that someone is talking about us, and sometimes it can make us insecure. Don’t let it get to you! Odds are they are probably not even talking about you!

If you think they are, that might just be your ego talking. And if they are, who cares! Go about your day. You are in control of you. You are in control of how you respond to situations.

If you’re not in control of you, GET INTO CONTROL OF YOU! How do you do that? Step one: Make a decision. Step 2: Constant and never-ending improvement.

And your homework for the day’s lesson is to buy and read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. Follow the link to buy on Amazon, if you don’t already have it. Get it read it, and we’ll see you back here next week!

The Eyes Have It All

The Eyes Have It!


Hey mister! Let me guess, you have studied all kinds of information on eye contact in regards to dating, pick up, attraction, etc.

Am I right? Of course I am!

There is SO much info and opinion on the subject that it can get so confusing that you just sit there and look at your shoes.

Well, I am here to make a very simple suggestion. Instead of worrying about all the techniques and timing that you feel you should have in order to make women attracted to you, let's get down to the heart of the matter and build from there.

After all, getting back to the basics is the foundation of all sports, business, and, of course, love success!

I remember when I was learning so much new info about eye contact and wondering if what I was doing was correct, I forgot the biggest part. I did not realize that I was giving away all my power and destroying attraction in a mere wink of an eye!

How did I do that? I looked away!

Yep, once you make eye contact with a woman, if you look away quickly and "shy-like," you have just demonstrated a subservient behavior.

In the wild, monkeys do the same thing to show deference to the leader of their group. On an instinctive level, you have just allowed her to take the dominant position. Bad start to your awesome confident male persona.

So, your job over the next week, is to pay attention to your behavior when you meet eyes with a lovely lady. Recognize what you do. Do you:

  1. Look away?
  2. Hold eye contact, show a little smile, and wait till she breaks contact? Or...
  3. Do you stare like you want to eat her spleen?

Whatever you do at this point, doesn't really matter. You are on the path. You re learning. It won't happen right away. But you can see how #2 is the clear winner!

I have done all of them and I turned out fine. Well, there may have been a restraining order or two out there with the crazy eyes, but overall, good things!

Next time you lock eyes, enjoy the moment, smile a little, and relax. Then whatever happens next, you've already won, by not looking away like a weak little monkey boy.

Keep spicing it up!