Communication

How to Use Facebook to Be a Better Man

In case you have been living under a rock, there is this thing called the Internet nowadays. It is an amazing tool for the education and advancement of the human race. It can enhance our lives in ways we cannot even begin to imagine yet.

spike-spencer-kimberly-spencer-internet

The good news is we have unlimited access to all the accumulated knowledge on the planet.

The bad news is we all think we already know it all and don’t take the time to actually look any of that knowledge up, unless of course it jibes with our preconceived notions of how we feel the world should be, compartmentalized within our tiny selfish parameters.

Sadly all this knowledge has sputtered in a sloppy start. Beginning with “social” platforms originally invented to bring us closer together, allow instant communication, share ideas, and expand our minds with unlimited knowledge, that have sunk to the very bottom of social interaction.

Rumor is reported as fact, believed by the unaware or purposefully duped.

Narcissistic bragging is masquerading as humility and graciousness, aka the “humble brag.” It’s unrelenting envy on parade, a 24/7 portal to everyone else’s lives that are almost always seeming better than yours.

Unless, of course, they take the opposite tack, the cryptic “woe is me” post of seeming positive affirmations couched in a pathetic personal passive aggressive cry for help.

We all see it, we all know it, we are all tired of it. Stop it.

Then there are the unwavering hordes of whiny “victimbitches” simply waiting to be offended by any and every little thing. Tirelessly mining the interwebs til they can find a post, tweet, or blog article that has the subtlest whiff of disagreement to their self-centered myopic tiny minded view of life so they can rage against what they deem to be a personal affront to their integrity, opinions, and/or fundamental belief systems.

All of us have fallen into this category at least once.

We would never admit it of course. Except for just now. Um, I think I just did…

What most people seem to forget is that the internet is worldwide and that unless a personal message is sent directly to them, the chances of any single post being evenly remotely about them is about 4 Billion to 1. So the level of narcissism it takes to believe that any interaction online effects them is truly mind boggling.

Yet we see it every day on an endless loop. You post something you think is funny or interesting and your “friends” take umbrage, pick it apart, or admonish you for having a differing world view then their oh so righteous perspective. Suddenly you have an argument over trivial shit that morphs into something deeper, not remotely associated with the original flippant post you thought was quirky, cute, or funny and now you have un-elicited tension from an aggressive “victimbitch” who simply can’t abide other thoughts outside their narrow worldview.

And since you are a threat to their fragile Glass Menagerie, you are therefore a monster.

They now feel free to deem you any manner of terrible beasty, usually starting with typical easy to reach epithets of racist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist, etc, spiraling rapidly down to the unavoidable comparisons to Hitler.

No, I’m not simply talking about political debates here, I’ve seen the same pathway emanate from random cat videos.

It simply does not matter what you post. Someone out there is going to be offended.

It doesn’t matter how smart, respectable, or civilized they may be. Most people these days seem to have the thinnest skin imaginable. It is infuriating. And you can MAN up and use it to your advantage!

We are a world full of billions of people. Each person has a different view point. Some are well informed, some are not. Some agree with our views, some do not. The vast majority of the world may not agree with you on any given point.

Here is how to look at it: SO F**KING WHAT!

The world does not revolve around you. It never has, never will. People will disagree with you and that is awesome. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Sadly, in the era of giving kids trophies for breathing, we have raised a generation of self-absorbed, self-obsessed, selfie snappers. They are unaccustomed to differing viewpoints and can’t quite handle it.

Don’t be like them. Practice RESTRAINT.

Do NOT get drawn into unending arguments on social media that are doomed to defeat or at the very least both sides being upset and offended.

Read other people’s points of view with an eye toward non response. Stay above the fray. Don’t engage. You may think these people are absolute nutty biscuits on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is their problem, not yours.

Think of it as practicing ACTIVE LISTENING without interruption.

We as a social species connect and communicate openly and freely. Unless you are in a communist country of course (cue the victimbitches). As a social species we can’t wait to use our face holes to deliver our personal views to the world. But the more you speak, the less you listen. This includes digital communication. LISTENING is one of my pillars of confidence. If you can show a woman that you are actively listening to her, she will respect you more.

Practicing non-engagement on social media can help you you restrain from opening your mouth when you shouldn’t.

You may not agree with others points of view. You may not respect those views. You may even think they are absolutely out of their minds. But that does not mean you should give them a piece of yours. Have you ever heard the saying “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt?” Some ascribe the saying to Abe Lincoln or possibly Mark Twain. Regardless, it is a very wise proverb.

Practice restraint, hold your tongue (or your fingertips), read and/or listen to what others say and keep your trap shut. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Let the victimbitches fight it out. It’s a useless whiny waste of energy that is decidedly not attractive to women. And if you find yourself slipping into victimbitchitude, being offended by a random tweet, blog, or post just remember, the chances are 1 in 4 BILLION that it pertains to you at all. Don’t be a narcissistic snowflake. MAN up and MOVE on.

You've got a lot more important things to do.

Getting on Her Wavelength

spike-kimberly-communication

Communication is one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. There are so many levels and intricacies that can foul up even the most mundane of situations till it becomes a huge mess. A single, tiny misunderstanding can uproot even the strongest relationships.

What you say and do is important, but how you say and do things is equally important. Ah, the fickle finger of subtext, how it wags and indicts! For example, if you apologize, and don’t come across as genuinely sorry, you are cooked, my friend. If your demeanor does not match your words when you profess your feelings, you will come across as less than honest, shady even. And this is bad. You need to be clear in your words and deeds to know that you are being heard correctly, otherwise things get lost in translation.

The worst part is, you may never even know there is a miscommunication till it’s too late.

So how can you be sure, you are being received and understood? Well, you can’t. Sorry, that’s just the truth of it. Unless you can get inside someone else’s mind and know exactly how they are hearing, ingesting, interpreting, and understanding your messages, you will never know. You can only do your best and hope.

So here are some things that you can do to help turn the tide in your favor.

1. Pay Attention.

Listening is one of the most important and also most difficult things to do. Most people are never actively listening to anyone. We have so much going on in our heads; a never ending onslaught of information, feelings, sights, and sounds. It’s difficult to add to that the intricacies of someone else’s own onslaught and funnel all their craziness through our filters.

But filter, we must. Take the time to really HEAR what your lady is saying. Don’t spend the moments while she is telling you about her day, searching for an opening so you can interject. Just listen. Clear your mind and open up for her. It will enhance your life immensely when you do less talking, and more listening.

2. Write Stuff Down.

When she tells you things she likes and wants, make a mental note. When you have a free moment, write down what you heard. It is a great list to check back on. You will know the gifts she is hoping you will shower down on her, the little niceties that she wants from you - that peck on the cheek she misses just before you leave, you telling her you love her every day, etc. She will tell you everything you need to know, you just have to listen!

3. Share Her Interests.

Okay, so you are not going to crochet, no matter how hot she is. Fine. But if she is reading a book or watching a TV show, notice what it is. These are the things influencing her decisions and reactions in her daily life. If you know the framework that guides her, you will understand the reasoning behind what she does. You will also be able to have enjoyable conversations, as you will be informed on her level. Take the time, even if it is not interesting to you. This does not mean you must subordinate your life to hers in any way. It just means, take notice. There is power in knowledge and similar interests.

4. Observe.

When something happens of any note, say a violent action in the news, a sad song on the radio, or even running out of milk; you will see how she reacts. Look for patterns. When you know how she will react in a given situation, you will know how to react to her. But more importantly, when she reacts to something, measure your own reaction. When you see the difference, you will better understand where she is coming from.

Let’s say something stressful happens at work. She may wail, moan, be angry and cry a lot. You, in the same situation, my pull back into your self, say nothing, and contemplate your next move. Knowing this, you can discuss things with her from a place of enlightened understanding. Ask her what she is feeling. She will tell you, once she is done emoting. Realize that is her way of dealing with the stress, respect it and let her do what she needs. Then you can work together to deal with whatever comes.

Taking the time to listen, watch, and engage with her will improve your relationship on so many levels. Communication is hard, but without it, you stand the very real chance of losing your loved ones, family, and fortunes. It happens every day, and it can almost always be traced back to a small break down in communication, way back down the line, that was left in disrepair. That injury festers and grows like an invisible cancer that will erupt if not diagnosed and treated. Don’t let that happen to your life, my friend. It is not fun.

Go on, be strong!

Pick Pocket Adventures Make Great Date-Tales

In this video I tell you about how to be a Maverick Adventurer in your own life. Get out in the world and do awesome things! Like the story of when I was in Barcelona and got my pocket picked. And then I picked it right back. True story.

I also reference “Becoming a Maverick Adventurer!” – one of the articles that I wrote for Neil Strauss’ blog. Definitely head over to Neil’s site and check it out for some great tips on upping your game close to home and on a budget!

When in Doubt, Shut the F*** Up

A Quick Tip on How to Talk to Girls

We as men are in a constant state of fixing things. It's in our DNA. Whether we are repairing a sink, "fixing" her plumbing, or waxing prophetically on how others should live their lives; we just can't help it.

Yes you can! A strong MAN knows how to listen. But even more importantly knows how to NOT chime in where it is not needed. When I am asked questions on what to say to a woman, it is very simple. When in doubt, shut the f&$k up. Say nothing. It makes you seem far more mysterious and intriguing than you really are. And it's easier than actually saying something that might come across badly.

If you do have to say something, ask a leading question, like, "And how did that make you feel?" She will gladly tell you and you will learn a lot more than if you were flapping your gums, telling her how she should react, feel, or act in a particular situation.

Go On, Be Strong

Women's Hints and How to Take Them

We all want to be great with women. We want to never get turned down, never get blown out of the water, and never feel that gut wrenching pain of rejection. You have to realize of course that some women are taken. I know I know, we hear that “I have a boyfriend” line a lot, and that doesn’t mean it is true. But sometimes, it is. And when it is, don’t feel bad. Wish her all the best, tell her he is a lucky man, and move on.

Women’s hints will slide subtly into the conversation, and that will let you know she’s not available. When women throw in the “we,” into her conversation, you will know she’s taken. As in, “When we went to wine country…,” or “My boyfriend did…,” Or even “Go away, I’m married!” Okay, that last one, not so subtle. But you get the idea.

It’s the little signals that you have to pick up on, that let you know she’s not that interested. And that’s okay. You’re not her flavor of cookie. Go onto the next and remember, it’s just a numbers game.

Go on, be strong!

The Numbers Game

Everything is a numbers game, from baseball to dating! The Dating Sage, Spike Spencer breaks the numbers down for you, so you can realize why the numbers are in your favor.

In baseball, if you hit 4 out of 10 you're considered AMAZING! The same is true in dating. If you ask out 10 girls, and four of them say "yes"...you're a frickin' dating rockstar!

Go on, be strong!

The Eyes Have It All

The Eyes Have It!


Hey mister! Let me guess, you have studied all kinds of information on eye contact in regards to dating, pick up, attraction, etc.

Am I right? Of course I am!

There is SO much info and opinion on the subject that it can get so confusing that you just sit there and look at your shoes.

Well, I am here to make a very simple suggestion. Instead of worrying about all the techniques and timing that you feel you should have in order to make women attracted to you, let's get down to the heart of the matter and build from there.

After all, getting back to the basics is the foundation of all sports, business, and, of course, love success!

I remember when I was learning so much new info about eye contact and wondering if what I was doing was correct, I forgot the biggest part. I did not realize that I was giving away all my power and destroying attraction in a mere wink of an eye!

How did I do that? I looked away!

Yep, once you make eye contact with a woman, if you look away quickly and "shy-like," you have just demonstrated a subservient behavior.

In the wild, monkeys do the same thing to show deference to the leader of their group. On an instinctive level, you have just allowed her to take the dominant position. Bad start to your awesome confident male persona.

So, your job over the next week, is to pay attention to your behavior when you meet eyes with a lovely lady. Recognize what you do. Do you:

  1. Look away?
  2. Hold eye contact, show a little smile, and wait till she breaks contact? Or...
  3. Do you stare like you want to eat her spleen?

Whatever you do at this point, doesn't really matter. You are on the path. You re learning. It won't happen right away. But you can see how #2 is the clear winner!

I have done all of them and I turned out fine. Well, there may have been a restraining order or two out there with the crazy eyes, but overall, good things!

Next time you lock eyes, enjoy the moment, smile a little, and relax. Then whatever happens next, you've already won, by not looking away like a weak little monkey boy.

Keep spicing it up!

Lost in Translation

How to Improve Communication

So much gets lost in communication, especially if you rely only on texts, email, and messages.

In fact, words are only 7% of all communication. The other 93% is vocal tonality and physiology.

If you're relying solely on texting and email for communication with your lady...DON'T. Don’t let technology screw up your love life!

Say what you mean and say it correctly in person when you can.

At the very least, call and actually speak to her on the phone. We convey so much through our manner of speaking and our body language. All that subtext can get lost in digital communications.

And take it from me, it will mess you up if you are not careful.

Go on, be strong!

Listen and Make a Frickin' Decision, Fellas.

One Easy Way to Improve Your Dating Game

Here I share a quick humorous word on how to be super cool on a date. How, you ask?

Start with losing expectation.

Spend time with a woman simply talking with her. But more importantly, LISTENING to her.

On top of that, I discuss the MANpower of MAKING A DECISION!

I break down a quick and simple way to make yourself WAY more attractive to women… FAST!