Confidence

How to Use Facebook to Be a Better Man

In case you have been living under a rock, there is this thing called the Internet nowadays. It is an amazing tool for the education and advancement of the human race. It can enhance our lives in ways we cannot even begin to imagine yet.

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The good news is we have unlimited access to all the accumulated knowledge on the planet.

The bad news is we all think we already know it all and don’t take the time to actually look any of that knowledge up, unless of course it jibes with our preconceived notions of how we feel the world should be, compartmentalized within our tiny selfish parameters.

Sadly all this knowledge has sputtered in a sloppy start. Beginning with “social” platforms originally invented to bring us closer together, allow instant communication, share ideas, and expand our minds with unlimited knowledge, that have sunk to the very bottom of social interaction.

Rumor is reported as fact, believed by the unaware or purposefully duped.

Narcissistic bragging is masquerading as humility and graciousness, aka the “humble brag.” It’s unrelenting envy on parade, a 24/7 portal to everyone else’s lives that are almost always seeming better than yours.

Unless, of course, they take the opposite tack, the cryptic “woe is me” post of seeming positive affirmations couched in a pathetic personal passive aggressive cry for help.

We all see it, we all know it, we are all tired of it. Stop it.

Then there are the unwavering hordes of whiny “victimbitches” simply waiting to be offended by any and every little thing. Tirelessly mining the interwebs til they can find a post, tweet, or blog article that has the subtlest whiff of disagreement to their self-centered myopic tiny minded view of life so they can rage against what they deem to be a personal affront to their integrity, opinions, and/or fundamental belief systems.

All of us have fallen into this category at least once.

We would never admit it of course. Except for just now. Um, I think I just did…

What most people seem to forget is that the internet is worldwide and that unless a personal message is sent directly to them, the chances of any single post being evenly remotely about them is about 4 Billion to 1. So the level of narcissism it takes to believe that any interaction online effects them is truly mind boggling.

Yet we see it every day on an endless loop. You post something you think is funny or interesting and your “friends” take umbrage, pick it apart, or admonish you for having a differing world view then their oh so righteous perspective. Suddenly you have an argument over trivial shit that morphs into something deeper, not remotely associated with the original flippant post you thought was quirky, cute, or funny and now you have un-elicited tension from an aggressive “victimbitch” who simply can’t abide other thoughts outside their narrow worldview.

And since you are a threat to their fragile Glass Menagerie, you are therefore a monster.

They now feel free to deem you any manner of terrible beasty, usually starting with typical easy to reach epithets of racist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist, etc, spiraling rapidly down to the unavoidable comparisons to Hitler.

No, I’m not simply talking about political debates here, I’ve seen the same pathway emanate from random cat videos.

It simply does not matter what you post. Someone out there is going to be offended.

It doesn’t matter how smart, respectable, or civilized they may be. Most people these days seem to have the thinnest skin imaginable. It is infuriating. And you can MAN up and use it to your advantage!

We are a world full of billions of people. Each person has a different view point. Some are well informed, some are not. Some agree with our views, some do not. The vast majority of the world may not agree with you on any given point.

Here is how to look at it: SO F**KING WHAT!

The world does not revolve around you. It never has, never will. People will disagree with you and that is awesome. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Sadly, in the era of giving kids trophies for breathing, we have raised a generation of self-absorbed, self-obsessed, selfie snappers. They are unaccustomed to differing viewpoints and can’t quite handle it.

Don’t be like them. Practice RESTRAINT.

Do NOT get drawn into unending arguments on social media that are doomed to defeat or at the very least both sides being upset and offended.

Read other people’s points of view with an eye toward non response. Stay above the fray. Don’t engage. You may think these people are absolute nutty biscuits on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is their problem, not yours.

Think of it as practicing ACTIVE LISTENING without interruption.

We as a social species connect and communicate openly and freely. Unless you are in a communist country of course (cue the victimbitches). As a social species we can’t wait to use our face holes to deliver our personal views to the world. But the more you speak, the less you listen. This includes digital communication. LISTENING is one of my pillars of confidence. If you can show a woman that you are actively listening to her, she will respect you more.

Practicing non-engagement on social media can help you you restrain from opening your mouth when you shouldn’t.

You may not agree with others points of view. You may not respect those views. You may even think they are absolutely out of their minds. But that does not mean you should give them a piece of yours. Have you ever heard the saying “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt?” Some ascribe the saying to Abe Lincoln or possibly Mark Twain. Regardless, it is a very wise proverb.

Practice restraint, hold your tongue (or your fingertips), read and/or listen to what others say and keep your trap shut. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Let the victimbitches fight it out. It’s a useless whiny waste of energy that is decidedly not attractive to women. And if you find yourself slipping into victimbitchitude, being offended by a random tweet, blog, or post just remember, the chances are 1 in 4 BILLION that it pertains to you at all. Don’t be a narcissistic snowflake. MAN up and MOVE on.

You've got a lot more important things to do.

What Donald Trump Can Teach You About Dating

Bombastic, Irritating, Vindictive, Annoying, Pigheaded, Jackass, Racist, Hater, Vain. These are just a few of the epithets being tossed toward Donald Trump these days due to his less than measured recent political statements. For better or worse, many of these descriptives are probably accurate.

For those of you living under a rock, Donald Trump is the incredibly successful real estate entrepreneur who also helmed the popular reality TV series “The Apprentice” and runs the Miss USA Pageant (which was recently dropped by NBC and immediately picked up by Reelz).

He has gained much more notoriety recently by running as one of many possible Republican candidates for President of the United States. The run up to the official nomination is always a long hard fight. Trump’s fight has started off with a full frontal assault on the Politically Correct world.

Love him or hate him, Trump definitely shakes things up. And that is exciting.

But this is not a political article. As the arguments on his utterances rage on, I am quite sure the Trumpster will ruffle more feathers, garner more publicity, and entertain the hell out of us all. That is, after all, what he does. He is a showman and his show is most definitely going on.

So here we have a carnival barker with flyaway hair, running an entertaining show by bluntly stating things that, in our “instantly offended by everything” world, would get most folks thrown off the air or, at the very least, elicit a rapid mea culpa to the masses.

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But that is not who Donald Trump is. And that’s what he can teach you about dating.

For all his negatives, he has a plethora of positives. Despite the media narrative, he didn’t become one of the most successful people on the planet by being 100% evil. In addition to all the initial unflattering descriptives, Trump is also Shrewd, Decisive, Constant, Feisty, Loyal, Aggressive, Determined, Successful, and Candid to a fault – all things many women want in a potential mate.

No, I’m not saying all women want their own loud mouthed parade float who pokes at pussies.

Women want a MAN who stands up for what he believes in and firmly fights for it.

As an example, look at what Trump has done since his first official foray into the political world. He said something that riled up a bunch of people and unleashed immediate backlash by saying that Mexico was sending over rapists and drug dealers to America.

While it is true that there are thousands of convicted felons of illegal status in the country who have murdered, raped, and dealt drugs, and more pouring in over our wide open Mexican borders every day, his political opponents, saw an opening and ran with it. Business as usual.

As the story of what he stated was reported, re-reported, twisted, turned, opinionated upon, and used as a hammer to shut Trump the hell up, the kerfluffle reached a fever pitch. The inevitable scramble of people and business entities publicly distancing themselves from the offender (as has Macy’s, Univision, and others in Trump’s case) had begun.

This scenario is normally followed by the alleged offender making amends and begging for forgiveness for whatever slight was perceived whether right or wrong, intended or not.

But that is not what Trump does. That is not his modus operandi. Trump is a Fighter. He stands his ground when things get rough. And that is why he is gaining popularity. When was the last time you saw someone dish it right back to the PC thought police with unabashed frankness?

Politics aside, in life you want someone that you are involved with to be ready and willing to fight for you. Right or wrong. And one way to know if they will stand up for you is if they will stand up for themselves.

A woman wants, needs, and deserves a MAN who will stand up for her no matter what.

A MAN that will fight all foes with her and be on her side, right or wrong.

Be the MAN she can count on and you will be much more attractive.

A MAN ready to stand up for himself when others condemn him for speaking his mind.

Demonstrate that you know what you believe and are willing to fight for.

A MAN who, if he screws up, sure, apologizes, but not just because the opinions of others pressures him into silence.

Be a warrior for your ideals. With better hair.

A MAN who brings excitement to the dating game.

Don’t be boring. Ever. Keep it spicy.

If you were in his inner sanctum, do you doubt that Trump would fight like a pit bull for you if you were under fire? I bet he would. And the woman in your life needs to feel the same thing about you.

Does your lady believe that you will stand up and fight when your stance may be unpopular?

Do you fight for your beliefs when others opinions are against you? Or do you cave like a simpering beta male and ask forgiveness and permission to speak your own mind from the alpha establishment?

We see fewer and fewer people in this world fighting for their beliefs and defending their words. Trump is and that is why he is becoming more popular.

Strong MEN who stand up for themselves are attractive. Pompous showboats tap dancing on the edges of decency maybe not so much. But, agree or disagree, watching him peacock and defend his positions is definitely attractive. We just can’t look away.

Keep Spicin It Up!

Originally written July 22, 2015.

Time to Get Your Dating Google On

Welcome to the internet age. Everything you could possibly want to know is right there at your finger tips. You wanna learn how to cook the perfect steak? Boom! There it is. You wanna know where in the hell Wagga Wagga Australia is? Pow! Easy as pie. You wanna know if the girl you are about to date is a freak of nature who just might bludgeon you to death in your sleep with her hard cover copy of Gone Girl? Kablammo! A few clicks and the knowledge that just might save your life could be right there for your stern perusal.

Isn’t this a great time to be alive?!? You are awash in absurd amounts of data. Every day, the web grows more and more intense and acquires more data. So, in one sense, it is a great tool to help you accomplish more than you ever thought possible. But on the other hand, it is also a sponge that never releases the juicy tidbits of information that it absorbs. That means that…

The internet holds on to every stupid, foolish, drunken, misinformed, and otherwise dumbass thing you have every posted, tweeted, or Youtubed!

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Yes, the great thing about the internet is that everyone now has a voice and can be heard across the globe. The bad thing about the internet is that everyone now has a voice and can be heard across the globe andthey say whatever idiotic thing they want. Being in the spotlight, somewhat, I have seen firsthand what the internet can do to you. I do have quite a bit of info out there on me. Some really great, like, “Spike Spencer is a frickin rock star!” And some not so great like, “Spike Spencer should rot in a corner and die of dick cancer.” Mmmm, sweetness and love.

The point is anyone can say anything about anyone and it will be registered and broadcast for the world to see. And unless you actively search out what is being said about you, you may never know that some random jackball out there in the ether may be destroying your chances with women.

Think about it this way, have you ever done a search for, say, a restaurant? You looked up the Yelp ratings, maybe a chowhound review, etc. What you found will undoubtedly influence your decisions. We are so conditioned that if we see a star rating, we unconsciously judge whatever is being rated according to a random rating system. One star, bad, five stars, good.

So what rating are you getting when the woman you have attracted Googles you? And believe me she will. We all do it nowadays. If you are checking her out, you can bet she is certainly checking up on you.

You need to be sure that you are being represented in a good light in the online world.

So, how do you do that?

1. Google yourself...on all search sites.

Don’t forget about Yahoo, Bing, etc. Hit them all. That is the quickest way to see what she will see. And don’t just look at the first few pages. That drunken pic of you in the lime green mankini with the llama can show up in later pages. If you get in contact with the original site providers, you may be able to get the silly stuff removed.

If you want to get really serious, you can look at some of the information brokers that deal in finding people and providing juicy details about their lives like background checks and more. Check out Intelius, Spokeo, Wiki, etc. It will cost a bit, but it may be well worth it to clear up some negative junk out there.

2. Check on Youtube and Vimeo.

You never know who might have filmed you spouting random dumbassery at a kegger. I personally have had some success with getting some videos removed from some of my less than flattering misadventures. But not to worry, there’s still plenty of entertaining escapades for your consideration to enjoy.

So get out there on the web and check out what is being said, tweeted, posted, tubed, instagrammed, pinterated, vimeoed, tumblered, wikied, blogged, wordpressed, and every other blabby, gossipy, and otherwise completely detrimental misrepresentation of the awesomeness that is you. You may not like what you see. And neither will she.

Just like it can take only one bad review to destroy a business, one bad mention of you can wreck your chances of a possible romance. Luckily, forewarned is forearmed. Once you get the lowdown, you can do some housecleaning and sculpt your online profile in the best light possible. And maybe, just maybe, you can remove that one review of you that will turn her away.

Happy Hunting.

 

Back to Sexy Basics

In the Foodie world, there is a huge movement to get “back to the basics” of food. Also known as the “Slow Food” or “Farm to Table” movements. The funny thing about these movements is that they are actually just getting back to the very roots of food. This is how we used to eat long ago before processed foods and mass production. We used to eat what was in season, we knew the local farmers, and we prepared the dishes simply over fire. We, as a food world, are getting back to that. Though in some places it has never changed.

I was reminded of that on my recent Honeymoon trip to Italy. The food was all local, simply prepared, and perfect! Everything was so fresh that it just popped. The wine was locally produced so it played perfectly with everything we had. My own preparations were paired down, simplified, and the taste was magnified. I noticed the same thing in France, on a previous Euro trip. They prepare most everything simply but full of flavor. They do have a penchant for sexy sauces, and for that we must thank them eternally. These two Foodie powerhouses, have more than just simple ingredients and huge flavors…

These are the two sexiest countries on the planet!

In these countries food IS sexy! And what makes it sexy? The simplicity and boldness of allowing the inner flavor to shine. This point of view mirrors the dating world. Take heed and develop the right ingredients in your dating pantry and you will be prepared to do some serious cooking in and out of the kitchen.

If you are like me, you see big outrageous dating pitches thrown at you daily with lines like, “Say these three words and she’ll be in your bed!,” “Make any woman yours in seconds!,””Become irresistible to ALL women!”… etc., etc., and so on.

Then you go out and try them. And what happens? Nuttin! Well, you may have a little success and you may even learn a few things. Maybe even a few sexy, naughty, and dirty things if you are lucky. But overall you will more than likely end up being let down and depressed.

These gurus and teachers seem to have all the answers. They have given you the lowdown on how they attract women. You have even seen them on video picking up women at random in a way that can only be seen as magical. After all, you tried the same things and got shot down over and over. What the hell?!? And why is that?

No technique, approach, or method will work without the basic ingredient of CONFIDENCE!

Let me take a moment to say that I am NOT dissing any of the gurus and teachers out there touting these mythical “cure alls” for your dating problems. On the contrary, I learned a ton from them. And you should too. There is much to learn from multiple teachers. Some of these “outrageous” claims do work… Sometimes… Done incorrectly, some of these techniques can backfire tragically. But if you get back to the simple basic ingredient of confidence, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your dating world.

No matter what someone tries to teach you about dating, including myself, nothing will work well without the underlying confidence to pull it off. If you start with crappy ingredients, your recipe will not work! If you are sad, mopey, angry, hurt, distressed, bitter, or just plain no fun to be around, how do you expect to spark attraction in any woman?

In any recipe, the better the ingredients, the better the final dish. The finest chefs in the finest kitchens of the world teach budding young chefs to utilize the best ingredients, then treat them simply to only enhance the natural flavors and serve. That’s it.

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A prime example, is the best steak I ever tasted! If you are unfamiliar with a fine Tuscan style steak, I suggest you get yourself to Florence asap! It was at Donnini’s where I finally had my first Tuscan steak. It was about 2 inches thick, Porterhouse cut, perfectly rare and ungodly delicious. In fact, my wife said I looked at that steak like I looked at her on our wedding night.

Now, I am from Texas, I have traveled the world, and tasted steak in all forms. I know a good steak when I have one. This was a transcendent experience for me. Why am I pointing this out? Because a Tuscan steak has 3 ingredients – steak, salt, and pepper. That’s it. It starts with one amazing ingredient Italian Tuscan beef.

No fluff, no crazy spices, no crazy techniques, just the best beef you can get. Prepared simply, served simply.

Let the ingredients speak for themselves.

You have to do the same thing with you. Am I comparing you to meat? Yes, yes I am. Instead of searching for outlandish techniques to spice yourself up, focus on the main ingredient that you bring to EVERY method you attempt – YOU! Make you the best ingredient there is. Don’t try to get all flashy and serve yourself up adorned with the latest fad accoutrements. Just let your main ingredient shine.

Treat yourself as the special one of a kind ingredient that you are.

Feel confident knowing that you are enough, you are intriguing, you are deserving of being served au naturel. Once you are proud of your basic ingredients, you will have confidence in moving forward in your dating adventures. Because no matter what you add to your own mix, at the very core, you are indeed one tasty dish!

Keep Spicin It Up!

Valuing Your Own Time

I have said it over and over. The way to attract women is by having confidence. But how do you gain confidence if you simply do not have it yet?

Start by valuing your own time.

Here’s how it goes.

  1. Confidence comes from having good self esteem.
  2. Self esteem comes from valuing yourself due to your positive actions and outcomes.
  3. Your decisions lead you to these good outcomes and actions.
  4. Your values set the basis for your decisions.
  5. Your moral compass guides your values that lead to your decision making.
  6. Your deep inner soul tells you what your morals are in order to form all your outer workings.

There. Easy right?

Start with a good soul and your all set. What? You don’t have a good soul? You are a soulless bastard with no intrinsic value to humankind?!? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I know you have a decent soul. Otherwise you would not be on the path of self improvement and enlightenment.

If you are a soulless bastard with narcissistic sociopathic tendencies only looking for a quick way to manipulate women in to doing your bidding, stop reading now. My stuff is not for you. You know who you are…

For the rest of ya, I am going to unlock a quick bit of info to help you get to the top of this confidence breakdown.

Start by valuing your own time!

Most guys tend to lose confidence (and respect in their women’s eyes) when they stop valuing themselves, whether they know it or not. It can happen at any time in a relationship, and it can keep you from ever getting in to one.

If you are single and hunting for a great woman, you may be coming at it from a “needy” place. I know I did for a time. It was not attractive and ruined many a chance at some seriously saucy fun.

Check yourself on this. See if you are doing any of these in your relationship (wither committed or casual):

  • Allowing her to make all the decisions, i.e. following
  • Changing your schedule to fit hers.
  • Spending your days thinking about and doing little things for her with no reciprocity.
  • Being at her beck and call.
  • Changing your behavior to fit in to her desired patterns.

If you find yourself doing things like this, you may be Wussifried!

You may be saying to yourself, “But self, you do these things because you loooooove her.” That may be true. And in certain cases and situations, these may be very honorable things to do. But only at the right times and in the right situations!

If you do these things over and over, you may be sabotaging yourself.

By doing any and/or all of these things, you are not coming across as a strong MAN. You are giving away your power and losing her respect quickly. This is happening because you are not valuing yourself or your time. And your time is one of your most valuable assets. It is also something that you are in total control of.

By valuing your time, you are in control of yourself and the situations that surround you. You have the power of saying “no.” "No" to not leading. "No" to being a malleable little toady. "No" to being Wussifried.

Taking control of your schedule shows that you value yourself. A MAN who values himself demonstrates confidence. If you are having self esteem issues, learning to spend time alone can help you increase your confidence and learn to truly value yourself. Women will value what you value. Value YOU.

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When I was at my lowest and trying to turn my life around. It was very difficult to spend time alone. I HATED it. I would have the radio going all day long just to fend off the smothering quiet of loneliness. It sucked. And I was not in a state of true confidence. Eventually, as I regained my self esteem, I decided to spend some quality time with myself. It came in the form of a road trip. I spent days alone driving up the PCH heading up to Washington and back.

The key take away from the trip was that I learned to be alone, but not lonely.

I found that I was worthy of true value and that my time mattered. I was okay with who I was and that meant others would have to be too. I took control.

From that day on, I paid more attention to who I was being when it came to women. Was I valuing my time? But more importantly, were THEY valuing my time. If they were not, they did not respect me and the relationship was going nowhere.

I did not have time for that BS.

So MAN up, say “No” when needed and do not allow your time to be devalued by anyone. Spend some quality time alone in your own company, not because you have to but because you want to. You are worth it.

You only have so much time on this Earth. Use it wisely, my MAN.

Keep Spicin' It Up!

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence

How do you attract a woman?

Confidence. Ladies like a man with confidence. Ladies sense confidence. You don’t have to be an arrogant ass about it. But be solid in who you are. Know who you are, and exude it comfortably.

You don’t have to have a lot of money. You don’t have to be the best looking guy. But if you’re confident, and can make a killer chicken or pan de tomate, then you’ll be fine.

Go On, Be Strong.

One Easy Way to MAN up.

So many of the women I talk to, have the same issue. They are wondering, where all the MEN have gone. Every time I speak in front of a crowd, and give this simple way to be more of a MAN, all the women nod their heads in agreement. I even get a “Hallelujah!” from time to time.

So when you find yourself in a quandary about what to do with your lovely, do NOT ask her to guide you. You make a decision and allow her to give you input after. This way, you get to lead in a manly way and she will respect you for not being wishy-washy and deferring to her to make all the decisions.

She has enough on her mind without having to make yours up too. And don’t worry, if she does not agree with your decision, she will most definitely let you know.

Go On, Be Strong

Lads, Make a Decision.

Ever find yourself sitting with your lady and she says the dreaded line that goes something like this… “So, what do you wanna do tonight?”

Then, your wishy washy retort is along this line, “I don’t know, whadda you wanna do?” And then you both go back and forth in a floundering apathetic vocal ping pong match while her libido and respect for you starts to wain rapidly. STOP!

Here’s 3 words that will help you…

MAKE A DECISION.

There, I have just given you the key to becoming more of a MAN in the shortest time possible. This is one of the easiest, quickest, and most powerful things you can do as a guy to gain respect from a woman.

Lose the indecision and start leading your way to a stronger and better you.

Go On, Be Strong!