We have a schizophrenic problem in the dating world these days. And the blame rests on both sides of the sexual aisle. On the ladies side, we have the ever present “Bad Boy” syndrome and the fellas have “commitment issues.” I think I have a solution for both viewpoints that will take a very long time to implement and possibly even longer to explain. But since I only have a short article for you here, I will attempt to be concise and give you a taste. So how do we clear up this hazy miasma of misinformation, disinformation, and all around butthurt? Well, by...
Putting The “Play” In “Player.”
So, on the ladies side we have the constant refrain of “Where are the good guys?!?” This phrase often uttered shortly after a “regrettable” albeit rowdy and oh so satisfying ankles to ears evening with a “Bad Boy” who didn’t call after. Of course you are upset and don’t see the world in a rosy light at that moment. You feel used, misled, yet desperately wanting more of that sweet sweet naughty connection. Oh the enigma.
You crave that emotional pull toward the man who can quench your thirst for ultimate release and satisfaction. That attraction normally comes from a MAN who possesses confidence, strength, and (hopefully) integrity. Without the integrity, you are simply left with a brazen manchild, who may fulfill you for a short time, but will, inevitably, leave you despondent and neck deep in Haagen Dazs.
Now, on the guys side, we have said manchildren.
The fellas that just can’t seem to get it together. Good looking? Maybe. Smart? Possibly. Wanting to have sex with just about every woman in the room? Definitely. They brood, they smirk, they do what they want. And in the end, much of the time, they get what they are after because they have game, confidence, and swagger. We call them “Players.” But that is not fair, nor is it accurate!
That label connotes that men are doing something that is not normal and etched into their DNA.
Here’s a news flash: Men and women are different.
If you don’t believe that; stop reading now and go arm wrestle your babysitter. Men are predators by nature, women are nurturers by nature. Simple reality. Understanding these different viewpoints, though, can be eye opening indeed.
So, we have Skippy Manchild, who sweeps women off their feet, romances them, then leaves them high and dry. Who’s at fault? Depends. You’re in charge of how you deal with things and your emotional state. If you are a willing “victim” of the player, the onus is upon you. However, if Skippy gets more than just attraction through deceit and lies, then the onus is squarely upon his lying ass! A MAN does not have to lie to get what he wants.
And here’s where we put the “Play” into “Player.”
“Cocky Funny” is a term coined by one of my mentors, David DeAngelo. It means, have the confidence to attract, and have the humor to relax, so you don’t come off as an arrogant ass. Many of the “Bad Boys” only get part of the equation. So when they attract, they serve the part of the female brain that craves the emotional stimulation. Funny or not, at least part of what the woman wants is getting served. In a pinch, they’ll take it. But then, men are labeled “Player.” An incorrect label.
What if Skippy Manchild had been funny, cocky, and respectful to his ladies? If he at no time misled or lied about his intentions? If he was simply being true to who he was as a MAN, enjoying the company of those around him, open and welcoming to whatever saucy times may come his way? Would he be called a “Player” or a MAN?
I posit that men, and women alike, can have a multitude of dates, lovers, or sexual dalliances, as they wish, as long as they are being safe, open, and honest about it. You can’t call a fun, playful, honest man with confidence, swagger, and attitude a “Player” simply because is successful with women. He is simply being a MAN. So have fun, laugh, love, and be honest about who you are, what you want, and never lie to get something from anyone else. Period.
Skippy, however, still has work to do...