I have stated several times during my talks, that I have screwed up with more women than most of the guys in the room will ever even attempt to date. That is not exactly a boast. It just means that I have made more attempts than they probably will. More attempts equals more failure.
This is true in every facet of life too. Every one who has ever succeeded has one thing in common, they have failed more than those who have not succeeded. Michael Jordan was asked once how he was so good at sinking basketballs. He said, because he missed more than everyone else. Yet, he kept shooting.
No one will ever be 100 percent perfect at anything. It just doesn’t happen. With every screw up, every missed shot, there is something to learn from. But gleaning the lessons from failures is completely up to you. To be a success, it is mandatory that you do so.
Don’t have regrets, have lessons learned.
When you look back on your life and the relationships that didn’t go the way you wanted them to, you have two choices you can make. Either stay in regret over the failure and allow it to seep into your heart and mind and make you an emotional wreck, or face the failure, analyze it, and use it to your advantage.
You cannot change what happened, but you can change how you react the next time something similar comes your way. But only if you have the courage to face your failure. And that is not exactly easy.
You have to remember hard things, bring up all kinds of pain, in order to extract wisdom. Most people will never do that. Looking into your personal imperfections hurts. It sucks, to be really honest. But it is necessary.
Take a second and think back on something that you did that you wish you could have done better. Maybe you lost your temper and screwed up a relationship, you drank too much and made an ass of yourself, or you tried a pick up technique that backfired. Personally, I have done all three at the same time. Oops.
Play the moment back in your mind and break it down. Some NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques can be helpful here. Imagine the moment playing out again, only this time, you are standing outside of the scene watching it happen.
You are working from a different playbook now.
You have more knowledge now. You know what happened, what went wrong. Here is your chance to fix it. Standing outside of your self, you can tell the old you what to do to be successful. In your mind, replay the old scene and allow it to workout in your favor.
If this is difficult for you or causes you pain, you can rewind the scene in your head and play it forward a few times giving the players silly hats or crazy voices, things that will make you laugh.
Now, you know what to do should a similar situation present itself. By getting out of your own way and taking a failure head on, you remove its power from your life. You can use it to your advantage rather than let it rule you.
Whatever happened, you made decisions based on your knowledge base at the time. You now have far more knowledge to work with. By looking back with newfound wisdom, you can see the mistakes you made. As long as you continue to do your best, you won’t be regretful when you look back. But you can learn.
Go On, Be Strong!