Victimhood

How to Use Facebook to Be a Better Man

In case you have been living under a rock, there is this thing called the Internet nowadays. It is an amazing tool for the education and advancement of the human race. It can enhance our lives in ways we cannot even begin to imagine yet.

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The good news is we have unlimited access to all the accumulated knowledge on the planet.

The bad news is we all think we already know it all and don’t take the time to actually look any of that knowledge up, unless of course it jibes with our preconceived notions of how we feel the world should be, compartmentalized within our tiny selfish parameters.

Sadly all this knowledge has sputtered in a sloppy start. Beginning with “social” platforms originally invented to bring us closer together, allow instant communication, share ideas, and expand our minds with unlimited knowledge, that have sunk to the very bottom of social interaction.

Rumor is reported as fact, believed by the unaware or purposefully duped.

Narcissistic bragging is masquerading as humility and graciousness, aka the “humble brag.” It’s unrelenting envy on parade, a 24/7 portal to everyone else’s lives that are almost always seeming better than yours.

Unless, of course, they take the opposite tack, the cryptic “woe is me” post of seeming positive affirmations couched in a pathetic personal passive aggressive cry for help.

We all see it, we all know it, we are all tired of it. Stop it.

Then there are the unwavering hordes of whiny “victimbitches” simply waiting to be offended by any and every little thing. Tirelessly mining the interwebs til they can find a post, tweet, or blog article that has the subtlest whiff of disagreement to their self-centered myopic tiny minded view of life so they can rage against what they deem to be a personal affront to their integrity, opinions, and/or fundamental belief systems.

All of us have fallen into this category at least once.

We would never admit it of course. Except for just now. Um, I think I just did…

What most people seem to forget is that the internet is worldwide and that unless a personal message is sent directly to them, the chances of any single post being evenly remotely about them is about 4 Billion to 1. So the level of narcissism it takes to believe that any interaction online effects them is truly mind boggling.

Yet we see it every day on an endless loop. You post something you think is funny or interesting and your “friends” take umbrage, pick it apart, or admonish you for having a differing world view then their oh so righteous perspective. Suddenly you have an argument over trivial shit that morphs into something deeper, not remotely associated with the original flippant post you thought was quirky, cute, or funny and now you have un-elicited tension from an aggressive “victimbitch” who simply can’t abide other thoughts outside their narrow worldview.

And since you are a threat to their fragile Glass Menagerie, you are therefore a monster.

They now feel free to deem you any manner of terrible beasty, usually starting with typical easy to reach epithets of racist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist, etc, spiraling rapidly down to the unavoidable comparisons to Hitler.

No, I’m not simply talking about political debates here, I’ve seen the same pathway emanate from random cat videos.

It simply does not matter what you post. Someone out there is going to be offended.

It doesn’t matter how smart, respectable, or civilized they may be. Most people these days seem to have the thinnest skin imaginable. It is infuriating. And you can MAN up and use it to your advantage!

We are a world full of billions of people. Each person has a different view point. Some are well informed, some are not. Some agree with our views, some do not. The vast majority of the world may not agree with you on any given point.

Here is how to look at it: SO F**KING WHAT!

The world does not revolve around you. It never has, never will. People will disagree with you and that is awesome. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Sadly, in the era of giving kids trophies for breathing, we have raised a generation of self-absorbed, self-obsessed, selfie snappers. They are unaccustomed to differing viewpoints and can’t quite handle it.

Don’t be like them. Practice RESTRAINT.

Do NOT get drawn into unending arguments on social media that are doomed to defeat or at the very least both sides being upset and offended.

Read other people’s points of view with an eye toward non response. Stay above the fray. Don’t engage. You may think these people are absolute nutty biscuits on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is their problem, not yours.

Think of it as practicing ACTIVE LISTENING without interruption.

We as a social species connect and communicate openly and freely. Unless you are in a communist country of course (cue the victimbitches). As a social species we can’t wait to use our face holes to deliver our personal views to the world. But the more you speak, the less you listen. This includes digital communication. LISTENING is one of my pillars of confidence. If you can show a woman that you are actively listening to her, she will respect you more.

Practicing non-engagement on social media can help you you restrain from opening your mouth when you shouldn’t.

You may not agree with others points of view. You may not respect those views. You may even think they are absolutely out of their minds. But that does not mean you should give them a piece of yours. Have you ever heard the saying “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt?” Some ascribe the saying to Abe Lincoln or possibly Mark Twain. Regardless, it is a very wise proverb.

Practice restraint, hold your tongue (or your fingertips), read and/or listen to what others say and keep your trap shut. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Let the victimbitches fight it out. It’s a useless whiny waste of energy that is decidedly not attractive to women. And if you find yourself slipping into victimbitchitude, being offended by a random tweet, blog, or post just remember, the chances are 1 in 4 BILLION that it pertains to you at all. Don’t be a narcissistic snowflake. MAN up and MOVE on.

You've got a lot more important things to do.

Overcoming Self Doubt

I have recently been listening to a spate of sad stories from DKYDers full of self doubt. They feel that life has dealt them a raw deal and there is no way to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When they talk to most people, they hear the same tired old line, “Just get over it.”

You see, most people, let’s call them “they,” are always full of advice and pearls of wisdom. But what the hell do “they” know? What have they done to deserve to give you life instructions?

Most people do not examine their own life to a point that actually allows them to have insight on others’ lives.

So why would anyone listen to their “sage” advice? But some in this world have been there. They have lived through tragedy, they have studied that misfortune, and used it to their advantage to better themselves.

They are the ones that can give you actual insight and not just some hackneyed cliché. And even if they have not lived through terrible times, there are those who, study hard, and can still help others. There are a lot of things they will tell you that can help you move past whatever troubles you may have. One thing they will not tell you, is to simply “Get over it.” I can’t speak for all of these teachers, but I can tell you one thing.

You Can Get Through Anything and Succeed!

Doubt plagues us all at one time or another. But it is a false prophet. Ask yourself, has anyone in the world ever gone through tragic times, probably far worse than yours, only to rise up after and become truly successful? Of course they have!

And so can you!

This is why I tell you to study other people’s success stories. All the blueprints are out there just waiting for you to unlock them. They are called books. And they are frickin everywhere!

When I had my tragedy and lost everything I knew and loved, there was one thing that helped me get through it above all others. I read people’s stories of overcoming disaster. Many were far worse than mine. And yet, they survived. And thrived!

So if you are finding things in your life hard right now, have faith.

Believe that there is another way to go. A downward spiral will end. When, is up to you. Don’t wallow, seek help. You can’t just get over it, but you can get through it.

If you feel upset, be upset. Let it out. Scream, punch a pillow, cry like a little girl if you have to. Pain is called pain because it hurts. And heartbreak is a very real physical pain.   But once you get it out of your system, you will have to make moves to get beyond it.

Use the stories of others. Let their paths guide you.

Head over to a bookstore, sit quietly, and read about relationship, dating, business, and self-help success. I know this can help you as it did me. It will take time, of course. You will fall, you will have failures, you will feel like there is no hope. But everyday the sun will rise again and a new day will happen with or without you. I slept through many, in the height of my despair. But over time, as I read others trials and their triumphs, I knew there was hope.

And as I gained newfound courage, strength, and confidence, my life began to re-emerge. First, I crawled, then I stood up. Then I walked again. After awhile, I walked taller, I could see the possibilities in my life, and found the drive to make things happen and started to live again.

Take my advice, from someone who has been in the trenches, you can do it. I believe in you. And I hereby give you all the permission you need to stand up, face your demons, and kick them square in the jubblies!

Go On, Be Strong!

You are Owed...NOTHING!

Recently we saw the utter devastation of a deranged maniac in the killings in Santa Barbara. We cannot possibly attempt to say we know how any of the injured victims or families of the murdered victims feel. We can empathize and send prayers, but other than that, we are all at a loss. Now, and for the near future, finger pointed screaming, with the usual suspects being blamed, will be the standard operating procedure, which never does any good. There are so many things that went in to what happened. But in the end, all fingers point to one lone killer. He was insane. Period. He did this willingly and knowingly and he was a horrible beast, and, personally, I hope he rots in Hell. But that’s just me.

I took some time to gloss over his manifesto and video. Besides being an entitled little racist brat, he was a complete wuss in victimhood mode. Now let me explain why he could have very easily gotten out of that situation, if he just had the guts to do one thing. Look inward and understand…

You are owed NOTHING!

 

He was so focused on everything on the outside that he completely discounted where the true value of life resides, inside YOU! He looked at others who had more money than him, and felt insufficient. He looked at guys who had good looking girls and felt anger and resentment. And the worst part of it all was that he obviously had enough money, with or without loans, to go to one of the most beautiful colleges in the world, he wasn’t a bad looking guy, and he could have been anything he wanted to be. He chose to be a victim. I know, some of you may be saying, “But he didn’t have a choice, he was crazy.” Yes, he was. Certifiably batshit. My point is that many of you have felt frustration the same way (as have I) and you did not go kill anyone.

You can not succeed in anything in this life by being a victim.

You feel upset that someone has more than you? Get over yourself. It’s not your place to designate what others have, which they have gotten (in most cases) by working their asses off. If someone has more than you, congratulate them, then find out how they did it, and do it for your self! How? By working YOUR asses off. In most cases, you can ask them how they did it, and 9 times out of ten, they will tell you. YES, they actually will. It’s called Mentorship, and yes, it is taught in all successful circles. But most people are too busy dragging other people down, rather than building themselves up. This nutbag’s manifesto was a grand homage to envy, sloth, and the low expectations of “Woe is me” thinking. If everyone is against you, then you feel you must strike out against those “Holding you back.” That is a lie. Actually, that is a DAMN lie! No one is holding you back.

There is nothing you cannot accomplish if you do what it takes to get there.

Politicians have been using that “straw man” argument to get votes from people in perpetual victim mode forever. Don’t fall for it. Don’t let it put you in a state of despair. Read books on how to get what it is you want, take classes, watch online lessons, learn, learn, learn. But most importantly, TAKE ACTION! This idiot admittedly never talked to girls. He just thought they should automatically jump him on first sight. WOW, what a delusional dinkus.

No one, not Brad Pitt, not Hugh Jackman, not even the amazing Neil Strauss himself has that happen to them.

But you can be a very strong attraction magnet for many women if you just take action. And by that I mean to better yourself. Becoming a strong solid MAN is the best way to be attractive. If you have confidence in yourself, confidence gained from self improvement and achievement, then you will be a prime candidate for the affections of lovely ladies everywhere. It all starts inside.

This vile murderer confessed having a lot of feelings (besides the racism bs) that many of us as men feel when dealing with women. Yes, we can be confused, aggravated, and feel beat down when we do not have any success with women. I have felt it myself. But lashing out violently solves nothing, only proves that you are far too insecure to be dating in the first place, and have a long way to go before you even should attempt it. Again, look inward.

You are the key to your success.

In dating, business, and life, if you are not getting what you want, try a different approach. Examine what you have done that didn’t work, but more importantly, examine what did work. That is a success! High five yourself (not in public, trust me). So you didn’t get the girl of your dreams the first time out, but you did make a woman smile. That, my friend, is a win. You got turned down, but she thanked you for the flattery, sweet! Take those baby steps toward getting what you want, and congratulate yourself for the small victories. Don’t castigate yourself because you didn’t get everything in life you wanted without any effort. Where’s the fun in that?!? If you don’t have a few failures, then you won’t have good stories to tell! I could tell you about the time fell asleep while,,, oh never mind, that’s another article altogether…

In conclusion, there are bad people out there. They will do bad things. If you see someone who is hurting because of these normal yearnings for love or success, remind them that they are not alone. That there is a way to get all the wonderful blessings that this Earth can bestow upon them. But it will not happen if their efforts are fueled by hate, envy, or disillusioned life expectations. Work must be done. So when you are feeling tension because you are not getting the things in life you want and it feels like the world is against you, relax, take a breath and ask the one person who can change it all for help, yourself. Your decisions are the first step to change. Help is all around you, but it’s worth nothing if you don’t utilize it.

Go On, Be Strong.

Take Nothing Personal

Easy Way How to Build Self Confidence

We always think that someone is talking about us, and sometimes it can make us insecure. Don’t let it get to you! Odds are they are probably not even talking about you!

If you think they are, that might just be your ego talking. And if they are, who cares! Go about your day. You are in control of you. You are in control of how you respond to situations.

If you’re not in control of you, GET INTO CONTROL OF YOU! How do you do that? Step one: Make a decision. Step 2: Constant and never-ending improvement.

And your homework for the day’s lesson is to buy and read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. Follow the link to buy on Amazon, if you don’t already have it. Get it read it, and we’ll see you back here next week!

Is a Rat Pooping On Your Dating Life?

I’m going to talk about something that I am seeing a lot of these days. A self sabotaging way of thinking that will limit you in just about every aspect of your life. A way of seeing all the down sides of every situation in your life, no matter how many great things and blessings you may have surrounding you every day. I call it...

Rat Turd Syndrome (RTS)

This particular affliction is not particularly contagious, but it is most definitely not going to spur attraction in the targets of your affection.

RTS is a very negative view of the world that keeps you, consciously or not, seeking drama and making your life harder than you need to.

Do you, or maybe you have a friend, or someone that you know, who always seems to have an emergency, problem, or crisis of some kind? No matter how much good stuff is going on in their life? Even when things are seemingly successful and they have every right to be happy, you know a backslide is right around the corner.

You see it every day on Facebook. People sharing all the drama in their life, in a seemingly never ending cascade of despair and victimhood.

Here’s how it works.

Imagine you are standing in a room filled up to your knees with gold coins, jewels, and riches of all kinds. And it’s all yours. But somewhere, buried underneath all that awesomeness, there is a rat turd.

And no matter how much wondrous wealth you are blessed with, you will stay preoccupied with that one dark stinky morsel that lurks, somewhere.

You are surrounded by amazing shiny things that add value and wealth to your life. But all you can think about is that frickin rat turd, buried in the depths.

You get more of what you focus on. Focus on rat turds, you will absolutely find more.

The saddest part about it, is that you don’t even actually know if there is a rat turd in there at all. Did you see the rat? Did someone tell you that a rat dropped a deuce in your happy place? No. But you just know it’s there. And it is driving you nuts.

This is a metaphor of course, about the little things that we let guide our thoughts in a negative direction. Things that for the most part, we may not have any control over. Yet we worry and fret and imagine all the worst scenarios that may come to pass.

Why do we do such things that only sabotage our success?

There will always be trials and challenges in life, but instead of focusing on the real, or imagined, problems we face, why not focus on solutions, and the possibilities of success?

Look around at where you are right now. You are breathing, seeing, hearing, tasting. You are living. You are not currently being tortured, you have food, you have shelter, fire for cooking. These are riches that many in the world do not have. Those are real problems.

And many of the people who actually have those real problems, have a much cheerier outlook than those with RTS. They realize all the riches that surround them even though they are going through terrible times. In fact, many of them are surrounded by actual rat turds, and are still more positive than most.

So, if you find yourself surrounded by many great things, but you can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong, there’s a rat turd lurking below the surface; you need to stop, and ask yourself, why you are feeling that way.

Is it that you do not feel you deserve the blessings you have? Are you re-living some past failure? Are you simply a drama mama who thrives on attention? Only you can suss that out.

You are going to have to be really honest with yourself.

Take a moment every day to look around you and see the amazing level of wealth that you actually enjoy. Think about all the great things that have happened in your life. Even the shitty moments can give you benefits, you just have to look for them.

Be grateful for the good things and look forward to more good things instead of always being on the lookout for that one stinkin’ rat turd that may or may not show up in your life. Because if you look or the rat turd, you will invariably find one.

Keep Spicin' It Up!

It May Not Be Your Fault, But It Is Your Problem.

So someone, screwed around on you, lied to you, or generally misled and disrespected you immensely. Join the club!

We all go through it, some far worse than others. But the one thing that we can all take from these terrible times, is that we hold the power to turn it all around.

They screwed you over, they are dicks, that is not your concern.

You can only be concerned with YOU.

How are you going to react? Are you going to learn from this and grow stronger or let it destroy you?

Choose the first. Separate yourself from the incident and find out how YOU contributed and how YOU can change it, so that it does not happen to you again.

Do you need stronger boundaries? More patience? Better lovin’ skills? Figure it out, be a better you, and those that screwed you over will regret it. If they don’t? Who cares, they’re dicks.

Go On, Be Strong!