Relationship Tips

Take Nothing Personal

Easy Way How to Build Self Confidence

We always think that someone is talking about us, and sometimes it can make us insecure. Don’t let it get to you! Odds are they are probably not even talking about you!

If you think they are, that might just be your ego talking. And if they are, who cares! Go about your day. You are in control of you. You are in control of how you respond to situations.

If you’re not in control of you, GET INTO CONTROL OF YOU! How do you do that? Step one: Make a decision. Step 2: Constant and never-ending improvement.

And your homework for the day’s lesson is to buy and read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. Follow the link to buy on Amazon, if you don’t already have it. Get it read it, and we’ll see you back here next week!

The Eyes Have It All

The Eyes Have It!


Hey mister! Let me guess, you have studied all kinds of information on eye contact in regards to dating, pick up, attraction, etc.

Am I right? Of course I am!

There is SO much info and opinion on the subject that it can get so confusing that you just sit there and look at your shoes.

Well, I am here to make a very simple suggestion. Instead of worrying about all the techniques and timing that you feel you should have in order to make women attracted to you, let's get down to the heart of the matter and build from there.

After all, getting back to the basics is the foundation of all sports, business, and, of course, love success!

I remember when I was learning so much new info about eye contact and wondering if what I was doing was correct, I forgot the biggest part. I did not realize that I was giving away all my power and destroying attraction in a mere wink of an eye!

How did I do that? I looked away!

Yep, once you make eye contact with a woman, if you look away quickly and "shy-like," you have just demonstrated a subservient behavior.

In the wild, monkeys do the same thing to show deference to the leader of their group. On an instinctive level, you have just allowed her to take the dominant position. Bad start to your awesome confident male persona.

So, your job over the next week, is to pay attention to your behavior when you meet eyes with a lovely lady. Recognize what you do. Do you:

  1. Look away?
  2. Hold eye contact, show a little smile, and wait till she breaks contact? Or...
  3. Do you stare like you want to eat her spleen?

Whatever you do at this point, doesn't really matter. You are on the path. You re learning. It won't happen right away. But you can see how #2 is the clear winner!

I have done all of them and I turned out fine. Well, there may have been a restraining order or two out there with the crazy eyes, but overall, good things!

Next time you lock eyes, enjoy the moment, smile a little, and relax. Then whatever happens next, you've already won, by not looking away like a weak little monkey boy.

Keep spicing it up!

Is Your Focus Killing Your Dating Life...Squirrel!

It seems to be that every successful person in any field claims that focus is the main thing that sets them apart from the crowd. The ability to be “present” in the moment and devote all your senses, thoughts, and direction to one deed, one project, one goal is the key to success in any endeavor.

But is that actually true? You bet your ass it is.

Sadly, in our ever increasingly hectic world, it’s getting harder and harder to do. At any given time you are probably juggling at least ten different significant tasks or projects, not to mention the thousands of errant thoughts that glide in and out of youroverloaded cranium.

What does this have to do with dating? Well, everything actually.

If you are constantly at the whim of unfinished projects and incomplete thought processes you will be in a constant state of “catch up.” You will feel that there is always something else you have to do, you may even find yourself stuck with that uneasy feeling that you have forgotten to do something, but whaaaaaat?

When you put yourself in this position, many things suffer.

The biggest casualty is your ability to chill. If you are constantly in that catch up mindset, you are sometimes literally running to catch up – with deadlines, things you may have procrastinated on, maybe even forgetting things that are important for your dates and relationships.

This makes you tense and hectic. This is not an attractive place to be. Stress ain’t sexy.

You have to recognize when you are out of sorts and take your control back. How? Here’s a few quick tips on how to focus better.

Take stock.

Make a list of all the things you need to do, some say do this at night as a brain dump, some say first thing in the morning. I say have a running list going at any given time. Have a note pad nearby and jot down things as they come to you. After all, if you do it all at once, do you think you will remember every little thing? Probably not.

Schedule.

Set up a time frame for each area you must tackle. I like the 50 minutes per task with a 10 minute stretch in between concept. (I learned this from Eben Pagan, btw. You might know him by his dating pseudonym, David DeAngelo) When I institute these focus sessions and stick to only ONE project during that time, I get a pantload more work done. Good focused work. And the work is much better. I actually use a timer, so I do not get distracted.

Prioritize.

What MUST get done first? Pick the most important and DO them. Get them out of the way. No procrastination. My pick is for what makes me money now! That is what I focus on right out of the gate. Then come the projects with more deferred reward, then passion projects, etc. This way, you get the stuff done first that will pay for the fabulous food with which you will be impressing your dates.

Always leave early.

When you are running late, you will be tense and reckless. This is when accidents happen. This is, again, not an attractive place for you. Especially if you are with a date or girlfriend. It’s the stressful times like these that will lead to you snapping at her out of anger. This you do not want. Bad juju. When you have plenty of time, you will be relaxed. If there’s a traffic snarl, no biggie. You just crank up the radio and sing at the top of your lungs like an awesome crazy person.

Now that you have taken hold of that massive amount of brain clutter that bombards you every day, you can now be present in the task at hand. Whatever that task is. When you carve out the time you need to get the important things done and focus solely on that one thing, you will truly be amazed at what you can accomplish.

This puts you in a strong leadership position, the director of your own life. You have a destination, you are productive. In short, you are a MAN that gets shit done! Calmly, coolly, with a quiet strength that is indeed very attractive, my friend.

Keep Spicin It Up!

Don't Have Regrets. Have Lessons Learned.

I have stated several times during my talks, that I have screwed up with more women than most of the guys in the room will ever even attempt to date. That is not exactly a boast. It just means that I have made more attempts than they probably will. More attempts equals more failure.

This is true in every facet of life too. Every one who has ever succeeded has one thing in common, they have failed more than those who have not succeeded. Michael Jordan was asked once how he was so good at sinking basketballs. He said, because he missed more than everyone else. Yet, he kept shooting.

No one will ever be 100 percent perfect at anything. It just doesn’t happen. With every screw up, every missed shot, there is something to learn from. But gleaning the lessons from failures is completely up to you. To be a success, it is mandatory that you do so.

Don’t have regrets, have lessons learned.

When you look back on your life and the relationships that didn’t go the way you wanted them to, you have two choices you can make. Either stay in regret over the failure and allow it to seep into your heart and mind and make you an emotional wreck, or face the failure, analyze it, and use it to your advantage.

You cannot change what happened, but you can change how you react the next time something similar comes your way. But only if you have the courage to face your failure. And that is not exactly easy.

You have to remember hard things, bring up all kinds of pain, in order to extract wisdom.  Most people will never do that. Looking into your personal imperfections hurts. It sucks, to be really honest. But it is necessary.

Take a second and think back on something that you did that you wish you could have done better. Maybe you lost your temper and screwed up a relationship, you drank too much and made an ass of yourself, or you tried a pick up technique that backfired. Personally, I have done all three at the same time. Oops.

Play the moment back in your mind and break it down. Some NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques can be helpful here. Imagine the moment playing out again, only this time, you are standing outside of the scene watching it happen.

You are working from a different playbook now.

You have more knowledge now. You know what happened, what went wrong. Here is your chance to fix it. Standing outside of your self, you can tell the old you what to do to be successful. In your mind, replay the old scene and allow it to workout in your favor.

If this is difficult for you or causes you pain, you can rewind the scene in your head and play it forward a few times giving the players silly hats or crazy voices, things that will make you laugh.
Now, you know what to do should a similar situation present itself. By getting out of your own way and taking a failure head on, you remove its power from your life. You can use it to your advantage rather than let it rule you.

Whatever happened, you made decisions based on your knowledge base at the time. You now have far more knowledge to work with. By looking back with newfound wisdom, you can see the mistakes you made. As long as you continue to do your best, you won’t be regretful when you look back. But you can learn.

Go On, Be Strong!

Preparing for Your "Worst Fear"

Do you live your life in a constant state of worry? Are you restrained in accomplishing the things you want in life and love, because you are scared of what might go wrong?

That is no way to live, my friend. You cannot succeed in life without taking some chances. You take them every day. Do you have any idea how dangerous driving in your car can be? Imagine what possible death dealers are in the food you eat? Thousands of people die each year because of these two ordinary activities alone. You take risks just getting out of bed.

Scary, ain’t it?

You still drive around, radio blastin', chomping on a burger, or even chatting on the phone (which is a huge no-no!). You go to a store, purchase food produced in places you do not know, packed by people you will never meet, under God knows what conditions. Then you shove that stuff right in your face. You wild thing, you!

Imagine how dangerous your every day decisions are for a moment. I mean, really think.

We put our lives in the hands of others every day. We have faith that they are doing the right things, just like us, observing safety standards, paying attention, and being basically good human beings. For the most part, I believe, people are doing these things. The fact that you are reading this now and not 6 feet under attests to that.

With all this actual possibility of danger facing you every day, why in the hell are you not taking chances in your relationships that will most certainly not kill you? Asking a woman out is not a dangerous proposition.

I would dare to suggest that no man in history has ever died because a woman said no to his polite advances.

You make business decisions every day that will affect you, of course, but very rarely will there be any actual loss of life involved; loss of money, standing, or influence, sure. But all of these things can be dealt with and regained, if lost.

Instead of fearing the bad things that might happen; imagine all the amazing things that can.

What if she says “Yes”? What if your decisions turn out brilliant and you make tons of money? Focus on the positive possibilities and prepare for great things.

Conversely, face the possibility of the absolute worst thing that can happen in any situation. Don’t shy away, really look at it. Shine a great big light on any bad things and take away their power over you. If you know what might happen, you can prepare. If you are already fortified against the worst, it will no longer frighten you.

Face your fear, plan, and if, God forbid, the worst happens, and everything you touch turns to shit; it will not destroy you. You are ready for the worst case scenario and you will live through it.

Knowing that you have power over the negative things that might (possibly) happen, you can focus on all the great things that can come out of all the non “death defying” choices you make every day.

So go bravely on, my friend and say howdy to that cute little number you’ve been dying to talk to, because now you know, no matter what, it won’t kill you.

Go On, Be Strong!

Lost in Translation

How to Improve Communication

So much gets lost in communication, especially if you rely only on texts, email, and messages.

In fact, words are only 7% of all communication. The other 93% is vocal tonality and physiology.

If you're relying solely on texting and email for communication with your lady...DON'T. Don’t let technology screw up your love life!

Say what you mean and say it correctly in person when you can.

At the very least, call and actually speak to her on the phone. We convey so much through our manner of speaking and our body language. All that subtext can get lost in digital communications.

And take it from me, it will mess you up if you are not careful.

Go on, be strong!

Do You Need a Label-Maker when Living Together?

If you are living with someone, what are you planning?

Are you on the road to marriage, or are you just playing house? Because somewhere in there, she will be wanting to know. I don’t care what “agreement” you have, one day she will ask the question, “Where is this going….?”

My view is that if you are living with someone and telling them that you love them, you had better A) Be moving to put a ring on it!, or B) Make sure you grab a Sharpie and write your initials on all your shit so you can find it when you break up.

Go on, be strong!

Keep It In Your...Pocket!

We all have ‘em and we all use them constantly – mobile phones.

They are our lifelines and our source of information and entertainment. On a date, they are also annoying as hell.

When you are with a woman, she is the most important person in the world at that moment. Period. And to her, you should be the most important person in the world at that moment.

Don’t be rude. Don't check or use your phone while you're with a date.

Just as important, don’t stand for them paying more attention to their phone than you. Aside from their “safety” call, of course.

If they do, you need to take action and stand up for yourself.

Should You Date a Co-Worker?

People wonder if it’s okay to date someone at your place of business. Well, that’s a hard answer. The truth? People do it all the time. Does it work? Well, just about the same as dating anywhere else.

Some do, some don’t.

But if you are at the same job, you have a much larger problem should things go south!

One of you is going to have to leave the situation, or your work environment will get pretty ugly. The only remedy for any of this is either don’t date at work, or just be so damn awesome that no matter what happens, everyone will be fine with it.

Garlic: How and When to Use It When Dating

How to Cut Garlic

The way you cut the garlic flavors each dish differently. In this vid, I'll show you the differences and how to get the garlic to the perfect size for your perfect date dish, without cutting your fingers off. Because what do we always say at Don’t Kill Your Date?

Nothing ends a date faster than rapid blood loss…

Garlic flavors everything with a sense of umame, the savory essence that makes a dish so memorable. You never need to overpower your dishes with garlic, a little goes a long way. And all your friends know it, trust us…

And here’s a nice little date tip for ya...

If you are going to have garlic, make sure your date is too.

If you both eat garlic, when you kiss, your individual garlic breath cancels each other out. If only one of you has the garlic in your dish, there will be one very unhappy person on the kiss receiving end!

I received this little knowledge nugget from the beautiful Tushka Bergen, while having a lunch break on the set of the TV series, the Big Easy down in New Orleans while chatting with. So remember always do what the movie starts tell ya.

Okay, not really, but this one is definitely a good tip for you to obey.